Thunee popularity

I’m proud to say I play Thunee. It’s a cultural heritage, and the fact that it’s a popular game makes me even more proud. But how popular is it really?

First and foremost it’s a relatively confined game played amongst Indians in South Africa only, well mostly. It seems like a gamers parallel to Apartheid and the group areas act. Ok, South Africa was a bubble during that period, but the game existed long before that and quite some time during the age of social medias. Are charous systematically blocking other groups from playing the game, unconsciously – but still?! On that note, I see this white guy (fair assumption) online complaining about complex rules, and advising to find a live indian to teach the game.

Anyway, amongst Indians in South Africa the total universe amounts to about 8 million people. How many plays the game, or are likely to play the game? Subtract children, moffies and some steckies behind the pots, then 25% maybe? That’s 2million players in a best-case scenario, but continued charou confinement. Hundreds! Converted to Rands in my pocket, I’d be very chuffed. Relative to the world population in 2015, that’s less than 0,03%. Much more likely, Kajol will run down my trellidoor and beg on her knees to marry me tomorrow!

Relative to other card games then, how popular is it? Robert Putnam reports that; “In the late 1950s, it was estimated that 35 million Americans – nearly one third of all adults – were bridge players”. In 2005, 25 million Americans over the age of 18 knew how to play bridge, according to the American Contract Bridge League. Only 3 million of these played the game at least once a week. Although reclining, players can study a hand of bridge presented in the newspapers, pretty much wherever you go in the world.

Take poker for instance. Its played all over the world and the number of players are increasing by the day. Poker players have pocketed their dough since the Wild West, and poker as a profession doesn’t raise an eyebrow anymore. People are employed to write about and broadcast the game. Anestimated 80 million people in the US played poker in 2005, and 2 millionsplayed online every month. The number of players in the world series of poker (WSOP) increased from 393 in 1999 to 8773 players in 2006 (Wikipedia). During the same timeframe, numerous Thunee players went into “brain drain exile” where they had nobody to play with.

Card games worldwide are facing a general decline in players. The exception is poker, but mainly driven by online playing. With hardly any online presence, Thunee may have a gloomy future ahead. Just a small indication before the recline hits us heavily… How often do you read about Thunee in the papers?

The future might be bright though. According to new UN estimates, India will pass China as the most populous country in only 7 years time. If Amitabh Bachan or Kajol got hooked… Thunee could trump poker!

Graduated with distinction

Forgot to post the story of my graduation in South Africa. Better late than never:

I have officially acclimatized and done my African graduation! You may also say I’ve been corrupted or come down to the South African level (or up to), or however you may see it. Two years in South Africa has given me the right schooling I believe, and I have done (or committed) my first fully conscious and successful bribe! The politicians here are the best examples. All your friends have exciting stories to tell! It happens on a regular basis but I’ve only been a jealous listener to all the stories up until now. It was only a matter of time…

A family member had a good bribe story from another remote part of Africa. It fascinated me from day one and has stayed with me for a long time. It’s like a true African adventure thing that you have to experience as a proof that you have really had a proper taste of the continent. Very similar to other stupid stuff one may contemplate doing in order to have a proper Africa story to tell your pals back home! “We’ve got a problem, now how can we make this problem go away?” I love that approach! It's true African problem solving, and you haven’t been to Africa without getting yourself out of a shitty situation through a proper bribe!

I’m driving my father in laws car with a trailer hooked up. Down the road, some cops are pulling over vehicles. The most shabby looking cars and taxies are always stopped! Any vehicle with a trailer is also likely to be pulled over. From afar I can see that a police woman jumps out in the middle of the road, pointing at me and the trailer in the back. “F**k, what now?!” To her disappointment the license discs are in order. A foreigner however can be targeted many ways. My driving license that has been more than sufficient in any other police, car and insurance matters is now a BIG PROBLEM! On the 20th time she explains to me her bullshit problem, I’m about to explode. Considering the badge and uniform I go through all the Bruce Banner (Alias HULK) yoga/breathing exercises to not let the monster out! At the same time I’m wondering; “What the hell are you fishing for? ...are you?!” In retrospect I realize I should have picked it up on the 6th or 7th repetition at least. I’m a bit embarrassed about how slow I was, but there is a first time for everything to my defense.

What was that line again? I’m hesitating for a moment before I hear the words come out of my mouth; “How can we make this problem go away?” I burst out laughing as I say it. Maybe I can claim it was a joke now… waiting in anticipation for the lady cop’s next move. It will either be a bribe or a hardcore African prison now I’m sure… The cop smiles and says; “Ok, R100 and we’re quits”. “You’ll have to jail me for bribing too little”; I tell her, “coz I’ve only got R50 in my pockets”. “Ok"; she says and grabs my money. 50 meters further up are two of her colleagues standing. They must know exactly what’s going on. I’m sure they’ve got a little joint bribe pot to add to their salaries. I’m free to go. Very excited now I realize I’ve made my first official bribe, and I even had the guts to haggle with the cop! How much cooler could it get! I would say that a R50 bribe is very cheap, but good for a first timer. With marlin scars and a bribe to brag about, I can safely say that my African journey has been a very successful one. I’ve got stories that will get better by the years and that will keep children and grandchildren glued to my lap!

After sharing my story with people I’ve received more professional bribing advices. You simply plant a small note in the cop’s hands, hiding the real value so that he can’t see it before he is holding it up. When the cop complains about the low amount you threaten to report him! You have bought yourself out of the situation very cheap! This is common for minor traffic offences like drunk driving when you are on a roll.

I also had help to fix a small defect on my car, and to get a roadworthy certificate. During the technical check a new problem was discovered. For all I know it could have been a way to fish for a bribe, but it was in any event a problem that now had to be dealt with. Inspired by my story, my brother in law used the same line; “How can we make this problem go away?” I copied the line myself to be honest, but already people are copying me! How cool isn’t that? In South Africa that qualifies for a MB - Master of Bribery. Its like MBE (Member of the British Empire), a very honorable distinction, but a practical and very useful degree! The problem vanished for only R100, and technically the car does not stick out in the South African car park!

Been there, done that!

It’s funny how you are prepared to do crazy things to prove that you’ve done something, or at least joke about it. My friend Salsa King is a good example, although I never really confronted him with the story I have many individual sources confirming this. Salsa King studied at a university in South Africa. It’s obviously an exciting thing for a Scandinavian (I can confirm that) to come here for the first time and experience everything about this lovely country. He must have been very chuffed and eager to brag about it to all his friends back home… but how to spice up the story and give it some oomph - that was of course the question. I’m sure he had lots of stories to tell that could help – it was just never enough. What is truly an African thing he must have thought?! Malaria had a far less negative connotation than say AIDS… and sailed up as clear evidence and a great story enhancer. Malaria would more than justify all the possible sufferings and make him the coolest guy back home. Salsa King never went the whole way as far as I know, not even a mosquito bite to show for. Naturally his Africa encounters never hit the big headlines… only the nearest family and friends knows about his Africa stories and Malaria flirtations…

Likewise I had similar thoughts on my Madagascar trip recently. I caught a sailfish and had the fishing experience of my life there. Even as I was struggling to get the fish up from the water, I was already thinking about how I could inflate this story and brag about it. Not inflate if like a puffer and out of proportions size wise, but still make it an impressive and memorable story. Lots and lots of pictures were taken so the evidence was there. It was not enough though! Pictures eventually fade, and the colors look dull and old after some time and hunting/fishing trophies shrink to mice and sardines. I would not let that happen to my sailfish, so what else?!

When the fish was landed, I tried to carry it to the front deck in my arms like a baby, but soon learnt a painful lesson. The skin is like sandpaper! I got terrible burns on my tummy, upper and under arms… that eventually developed to open wounds and scab. That’s when one of my dear travel companions gave me the brilliant idea that I could keep rubbing and digging the wound to secure an impressive scar. I could show off for years to come, and the scar alone would make a far better story than I could ever make. The brave fisherman couldn’t stand the digging though… so the wounds soon faded and disappeared! Well, two months later, I have still got a dark shaded “sailfish mark” on my arm. I might have something to show for after all!!

South Africa seen through the gun barrel!

All things are relative. Coming from Norway I thought it was scary and quite extreme to see the money transfer guards with bullet proof wests and automatic guns. Right after we moved to South Africa there was a period with lots of heists against money transport vehicles. I used to shy away from those vans, thinking the whole scene could explode in flying bullets any second.

The police in Norway are not carrying guns even. Only once a decade or so, when some unstable person has screwed things up, a special armed unit is called in. In the 1970’s or 80’s some time, still during the cold war, a Russian fighter plane “accidentally” like their submarines, crossed the border to Norway. A sharp alarm went off – no exercise! Many of the officers at the nearby military camp escaped across the border into neutral Sweden. Left was the youngsters still in training on how to fire a gun. This story was told by my superior officer, and whilst he was battling to sculpt soldiers, we dug down our blanks. We rather shouted; “Bang, you’re dead” than having to clean that gun once again. If invaded Norway is supposed to “hold the fort” for a few minutes before allied support kicks in. But hey, that was 15 years ago… it’s probably down to a few seconds now. They have to be realistic right? It’s a nation of pacifists! The Viking age is far gone. Only when Sweden sent us back into the arms of Hitler, did the anger and fighting spirit arise… or when you are robbed in your own house at broad daylight!!

So you can imagine what a difference it was coming to South Africa from Norway. My wife used to point out beautiful properties, whilst all I could see was high walls with barbed wires. Over time I have learned to see what she sees, but after robbery and theft those walls are fading back into focus again!

My brother in law had some trips to DRC (Democratic Republic of Congo) lately. He was shocked with all the people on the streets carrying guns. “Big deal”, I’m thinking. Like you don’t see that here in South Africa? Apparently young kids were carrying guns and getting drunk on the streets. We spoke to him on the phone, coz he was isolated because of some riots… and a few guys were killed. I guess that’s relatively a “huge deal” after all, even compared with South Africa!

“Where is South Africa going?” What is my opinion on this… when I’ve chosen to bring my family here? You gotta have an answer to your own family for putting them through this terror!! If Thabo Mbeki manages to trump through a third period I foresee Zimbabwe #2 and he will probably die in power! Madiba (Nelson Mandela) is old, and without him as an icon… where does hope go?! You can alternatively bring a rapist and tax evader to power… and any other prospects are not likely any better. It is such a sad and fucked up picture of South Africa! I have dark thoughts about a pest eradicating all the weed and shit from this society. AIDS serves very well in that respect! With an “untouchable” kleptomaniac AIDS-minister prescribing beetroot and garlic, this is working out remarkably fine according to “MY little black book”! I must be a new Nostradamus, because this is happening right now! I can down a bottle of whiskey (mampoer or whatever) and see South Africa’s future clearly down the barrel of a gun (crystal balls are for cheats!). This is RELATIVELY BAD compared to everything I know!!

I need help to get some positive input here to see through this thick overshadowing cloud of shit! Please convince me otherwise! Otherwise I’ll cancel my father’s vacation and book my own family’s ticket back to Norway! I believe we will contribute nicely to the brain drain without thinking too highly of ourselves!!

Robbed!

Hell, my life is so fucking exciting these days I can make 3 full sasons of high quality TV entertainment! It would be a mix between Prison Break, CSI and Days of our lives. It would KO anything else on TV! The fact is that half the excitement could kill you due to alarmingly high blood pressure.

I am so fucking worked up and angry right now! Somebody got into our property this morning and stole 3 laptops and a cellphone. Somehow they have managed to open the gate and get in. Next step was to choose one of the 3 units, which happened to be ours in the back. This happened at 06.45 in the morning whilst we are walking around inside the house getting ready for school and work.

My wife is sitting outside on the patio having a smoke, then goes to the bathroom to get ready. At the same time my 10 year old daughter notices a black man looking in through the window, obviously scouting and looking for an opportunity. Next door he has already passed the office window and seen our laptops. My daughter calls the maid; “Somebody is looking for you Martha”, alternatively thinking it could be a new garden boy. She then runs upstairs to change into her school uniform. Meanwhile the thief takes the opportunity to walk in through the patio, the kitchen, the lounge and into the study for the loot. On the way out he meets the maid in the kitchen, greets her nicely “hello”, and walks out. Martha was shocked, and before any of us knew it, he was gone. A brand new red Golf GTI was seen parked outside the gate 30-45min earlier.

Money and material goods are replacable. What else could have happened is more alarming. The guy was brave enough to go inside in daylight when people are walking around inside the house. What if somebody surprised him properly and blocked his escape route? How far would he have gone to get away?! Very far I’m afraid judging from the stories I hear in this country! When you take such a risk, you must be prepared for all possibilities. I am quite convinced he had a gun or knife, in case! I am happy we did not loose any family members today. I’d say we were fortunate despite the incident! A thief like that, I would not mind killing 10 times if inside my house!

3 times now during a year in South Africa I’ve been robbed. The 2 last months has been a bloody wild west! I actually miss my “civilized” home country where a burglary is national news in all the media. People are generally nice there! You don’t have to watch your back every second of the day and barricade yourself inside your own house. I am SO bloody sick and tired, frustrated and angry.

The complete and utter hatred and anger is hard to handle right now! I don’t know where to direct it. I miss this thief’s face as a punching bag. I have shouted, screamed and yelled at everybody around me, family and police included for petty little things. I feel sorry for my family having to deal with me right now, but the police properly deserved it all!! They arrived 1 hour 15 minutes after the incident… which is late enough… then after 3 hours the police arrives again not knowing somebody had already been there to open a docket. Worse still is that upset as we were the police lady started shouting at me because she had to wait at the gate… The intercom didn’t work, but it didn’t strike her that it could have been tampered with by the thief. Besides we did not expect any more police by that time, and they had our phone number to get in. Second time she went on about the intercom I exploded right in her face, shouted and swore at her and threw them out – kicked out the police!

I am ready to kill the next unfamiliar face I see inside my house in a gruesome manner unless they’ve made an appointment with me for a very good reason. Better safe than sorry and no questions asked! The policeman that came later in the day for fingerprints gave me advice… off the record I assume it must have been. “You can kill the thief inside your own house. But make sure he is dead, because otherwise he will come for you. You must do it properly!” I’m taking one step back and thinking, this guy is a policeman… I level with the guy though! So far, I’ve been concerned with prevention and keeping the tsotsi’s away. When that’s useless, then you better think of ways to annihilate efficiently any threat to your family!

At some point it gets serious, and you gotta stop joking about Crossbows and harpoon guns and get down to business like your intruder. I am happy nobody was killed today. Next time we’ll flip in around and make sure only a miracle can save the intruders life! A permit and whatever it takes is an insignificant hurdle!

I wish the whole world could be advised to stay away and not fuck with my family! Unfortunately the whole world is not reading this blog, and it’s not especially targeted at the rogue segment of the population either! Maybe I must make an example of the next uninvited guest. I’m reading about the early Africa explorers facing tribes who put their enemies’ heads on poles outside the village! Moulay Ismail, a self proclaimed sultan in Morocco, was given hundreds of sets of ears as a trophy from his son. Because of the extreme heat and stink, only the ears were kept as trophy. The Sultan was very content! His intention was to send them as grim reminders to chieftains suspected of rebellion. However, the trophies pleased him so much he decided to keep them for himself. Eventually the ears were strung on cords and hung up along the city walls. That’s a clear message!

In India, the British colonial power placed gibbets on the roadside to display bodies of executed thugs. This happened as late as the 1860’s to stop the infamous system of Thuggee. I’m in a former colony too… the wild west lawless feeling is striking, and how civilized are we here in the darkest African continent really? Beating around the bush is a sign of weakness. Maybe I just have to be raw, beyond any intruder’s imagination and expectation and use some proven methods!

Can anybody recommend a good weapon for me please? Not a pussy thing, but one that can do the job and preferably finish it with one bullet?! I’ve been in the army, and among the 4 best shooters in my platoon, so I’m confident that the quality of the job is purely up to the weapon of choice. Dirty Harry had a very good point; “As I am holding a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and can easily clean your head off the body, you gotta ask yourself a question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?!” I am thinking an automatic would be better and enabling me to shoot short series of 3-5 bullets at the time. Given these specifications I am listening to advice and suggestions.

We have just recovered after our “friend” looted our account of 11 grand. Now, we are down again with an estimated 45 grand! Equally important was the contents on the laptops, and now I’m chiseling blogposts into rocks in lack of my dearest laptop. Who knows how soon we’ll be online again? By the time I get this typed and ready for publishing I will read it again and probably think the tone is too harsh or extreme and start altering. I know myself that well. A good trick for me has always been to hold back e-mails until I cool down. After a few hours or next day the e-mail is revised and kosher for the right person to read. This time I won’t let that happen though. I want it left authentic like it was written in the heat of everything!

Useful South African words & phrases

Amanzi (Zulu) - Water
Biltong - Dried meat of various game
Boet - (Afrikaans) Friend
Braai (General SA) – Barbeque
Braaivleis -
Bunny Chow – Curry in a dugout loaf
Chaffed (Indian SA) – Satisfied, happy
Charou - Indian South African people
China (General SA) - Friend (affectionate) "Howzit my China?"
Chow (Indian SA) – Eat "Let's chow/let's have a chow" (food)
Doose - (Afrikaans) Derogatory! Box/Cunt/pussy (also used for "idiot" by some...)
Dop – A drink (originally a hottentot term)
Fokken aap - (Afrikaans) F***ing monkey
Game - Wild animals
Goeie More (Afrikaans) - Good morning
Guji/Banja People (Indian SA) - Gujerati People
Hamba Kahle (Zulu) - Go well (Bye) "Let's hamba - let's go"
Hawker - Road salesman
Howzit - SA greeting
Hoe gaan dit (Afrikaans) - Howzit (How is it going?)
Inkosi (Zulu) - Chief (respectful term)
Kaffir - Derogatory for black people (or anything but white)
Kak (General SA) – Shit
Kwerekwere 1 (In Zimbabwe) - Shona People
Kwerekwere 2 (Used by South African tribes) - Foreigner
Larney/lani - Snob, upper class
Lekker - Expressing approval! Nice
Lobola (African) - Sheep/money from the groom to the bride's family
Moffie - (Afrikaans) derogatory for gay
Moor - Hit/kill, "I'll fokken moor you"
Muti - Magical medicine (made from human and animal organs/body parts)
Muti kill - Killing to get organs for muti
Muti thief - Tsotsi "blessed" by a Sangoma and given strong muti (for bravery)
Ngiyaphila (Zulu) - I am well/ok (I am alive)
Ngisaphila (Zulu) - I am still well/ok (I am still alive)
Nyama (African ?)- Animal/meat
Pap/Puto – Mielie meal mash (staple food for a lot of blacks in Southern Africa)
Potji - Traditional pot or Boer dish
Robot - Traffic light
Roti People (Indian SA) - Hindi People
Sala Kahle (Zulu) - Stay well (Bye)
Sangoma - Doctor (Which doctor)
Sawubona (Zulu) - Welcome
Sharp Sharp! - Good/OK/under control
Sulla People (Indian SA) - Muslim Indians
Tagati (Zulu) - Bewitched
Tokoloshe (African superstition) - Small creature called upon by a Sangoma to haunt you
Tsotsi - Thief
Umlungu 1 (Zulu++) - Foam on the beach made by the sea!
Umlungu 2 (Zulu++) - White Man (derogatory ?/!)
Unjani (Zulu) - How are you?
Yebo (Zulu) – Yes

Crime, Sun Tzu and Green Mambas

People constantly ask me how on earth we could move from Norway to South Africa… and looking at me like I’m cuckoo, in delusion and not 100%. To which I can mention countless arguments… but of course there are pros… and cons! One of the cons is of course security and the crime issues here… and I assume the reason that people think we’re mad.

For seven years I’ve come here on vacation, and of course seen the high walls, the barking dogs and the “armed response” signs on the gates. I’ve seen the headlines in the newspapers. Still we have not been scared off, at least not enough to not settle down here. Once you are here though, the same stories and headlines have more effect on you. Always in the back of your mind…

Relatively, we have spent more money on housing and finding the right area with security than we would have bothered with in Norway. I’m comparing apples and pears, I know, but still! Then we’ve carried on living and felt safe and comfortable. All the stories have been about “other people”, living in less secure areas or something to that effect. I’ve been in denial - denying for myself the fact that this happens right under my own nose… but to “others”, not me!

Right before we moved from Johannesburg, Fourways (Lonehill Village Estate), there was a woman in the complex that was traumatized after thieves had broken in, threatened her and locked her up and who knows what else. The day I delivered the keys, a security guard was held at gunpoint and needed psychological treatment… Maybe “Fort Knox” wasn’t that safe after all?

Now we’ve moved to a micro-complex here in Pretoria… and security wise left more to ourselves. Considering the area and the high walls with electric fencing, we’ve felt pretty safe and comfortable. The first few days the alarm went off 3-4 times, but we knew that it was just a tree that caused it and needed a trim. For 3 months now it’s been no problem. Suddenly, Friday night at 2 o’clock in the morning, the alarm goes off! The whole family is alarmed and we are scouting out of the windows. Eventually, the father in the house, has to go out and check… and turn off the alarm. Before switching off the alarm though, I walk down to the gate armed with my diving knife that looks like a Rambo knife. Can’t see anything in the dark, so eventually I turn the alarm off and we all go back to bed.

After a thorough check on Monday morning though, we find that the electric fence was actually cut right next to the gate. Clean cut with a tool! This is in a corner towards the neighbor’s property, and I was standing right there that night… The neighbor’s wall was just for show in ancient times, and not meant to keep anybody out. With no particular effort, you can climb up that wall and face only a 40-50cm electric hurdle over to our property.

I’m talking to the armed security guards who are patrolling our area, and telling them what’s happened. “This wall is useless”; he is saying about the neighbor’s wall. Actually, it is very “useful” I’m telling them, but for the thieves! “Stairs, a ladder… or a wall like this makes no difference”! The guards are laughing at me. Are these guys to be trusted? Maybe they are bringing in some extra cash during the nights, and now finding the perfect loopholes with my aid?! How stupid can I be!! I should learn to trust nobody here I think…

“Why the hell did they cut the wire, when they could just jump over the fence?!” I’m thinking. They were either non confrontational, or stupid! Non confrontational thieves have no business in South Africa, which could only confirm once again Pablo’s second ape theory in my mind! They were just too bloody stupid to understand how easy it was… but blew it with their lack of IQ, thank god! Or were they just checking out the security measures, the alarm system and the guy with the Rambo knife… only to come back when we are comfortable and naively ignorant again?! Hmmm, which is it??? Brainers or not???

I’ve been pondering again lately… what if it happens again, brainers or not?! You can always have 911 on a speed dial… but with all the stories I’ve heard I shouldn’t count too much on the police. Now I’ve got those patrolling security guards on a speed dial… but thinking maybe we should sign up with one of these security companies also… for us privately! I still don’t feel satisfied…

Maybe I should get a weapon for self defense?! Not a gun… that would be too much of hassle with permits and stuff. As a diver I’ve wanted to get a harpoon gun. A diver with a passion for spear fishing should of course have a decent harpoon gun. If not a harpoon gun, then a cross bow! It would be silent and painful... and give the thieves a valuable lesson…hehe! As a kid I was playing with bow and arrow and dipping the arrows in adder venom like the pygmies in my Phantom magazines. I caught the adders in the woods… played with them and kept them as pets… and combined my two hobbies you might say. Nothing “of significance” fell prey to my lethal arrows back then, but maybe I should look for some mambas and pick it up again?! I know a place around the corner where mambas grow on trees…This is war, and I know my art of war! Sun Tzu says; “Know your enemy”. The thief comes to me, not the other way around, and there are millions of thieves around so it’s hard to provide sufficient intelligence for little me. I could at least make sure I see them before they see me in the dark of the night! I will get some night vision binoculars like the ones that Hannibal Lecter used in Silence of the Lambs… Hannibal Lecter, Navy Seals and Jonny!

Sun Tzu further says; “Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance”! I will let him over the wall… let him come closer and watch his arrogance grow. Peace of cake he’ll think… just before my mamba arrow hits his bum. Quickly I will change position and fire from another angle and aim for buttock number two. He’ll think there is an army on his tail. The mamba arrows will burn worse than yesterday's extra hot peri peri chicken from Nandos, and he will beg me to let him go! Reluctantly I will release him and let him pass the word around… and sleep like a baby!

Harpoon gun or cross bow? Eenie meenie miney moe…

Black Economic Empowerment or blue elephants?

I am not heaven sent from Norway! Beaverboosh grounded me (and Norway) nicely yesterday. I do have some issues with the BEE (Black Economic Empowerment) in South Africa though. That does not mean that I don’t understand… coz I do know the history, and this should not label me as a racist either I believe.

First of all, how can you use racial distinction to create a non-racial society? That’s what BEE is all about, isn’t it… racial distinction? It sounds like a huge paradox that the leaders of this country have chosen. The leadership of a country should be smart guys, so you must trust them to make a good choice. They chose evolution over revolution, and it was pretty admirable to avoid a civil war in my view. BEE is a way to level out the differences in the society! The South African rugbyteam (Springboks, who won the world cup short time ago) is bringing in racial quotas now… and people are worried that this will tackle “Bokke”. It’s a parallel approach the way I see it. I understand and agree with the reasons, but wonder if they haven't made a hurried shortcut?

I see members of the BEE club stuffing each others pockets. People in the informal settlements around, Thembisa and Diepsloot, does not benefit much. They have no ways/ability to capture any governmental BEE funding. It’s the same guys all the time… Bring forward the masses rather than the few already stinking rich guys.Companies hiring ask for AA (Affirmative Action) candidates which means pretty much anything but white. Actually darker the better… in recruitment they call it “pigment premium”! No kidding – it is very real! Darker skin gets better pay. No wonder I’m working on my tan… I should actually skip all that sunscreen nonsense! No pain, no gain, right?! My objection is that it is not always the best qualified candidate that gets the job (at least that is my impression)!

I know the previously disadvantaged did not have the same access to education… so that should be a very important approach. Just do it right! Stories about students getting better grades because of skin color flourish. The other day I overheard a teacher/lecturer talking on the phone; “I have some other AA students that I have to re-evaluate. This is an AA student, right? What mark did he get? Ok, send it over and I will look into it!” It was reminding me of a story from a university in Norway:

An overambitious student had taken an extra subject one semester, but realized that he did not have the capacity to study enough. However, he went to do the exams. He didn’t have the foggiest idea about what they asked for… but had to sit for 2 hours before he could leave, as that’s the rules. This time he spent drawing a big blue elephant, then left! The teacher was quite amused, could not pass him but gave him a 4.1 (1 best – 6 poorest and 4.0 is the last passing grade). It was the best mark he could give without passing the student. Due to a low average result on this exam, they moved all the students up to get a “normal curve”. Thus, the student passed with his blue elephant!My point is that by racial distinction and no other qualitative measure; you might end up with many “blue elephants” passing!

On a trip to Mocambique earlier this year we stopped at the Jozini Dam. Some boys where selling amethyst rocks in the middle of school hours. He was embarrassed when I asked if he didn’t go to school. Whether it was his own choice or the parents’ choice, I don’t know, but money was preferred.

I believe that school should be mandatory, like it probably is also, but forced through to a greater extent. The quality of the schools should probably also be emphasized. Provide a social structure that can allow this and make it economically viable for families. It will take time, but at least the results will come with better quality.

Do whatever it takes to force those kids to school. My father told me he “forced” me to start playing organized football. I can’t recall being forced in any negative way, but actually enjoyed playing… and thankful for it today! If the parents can’t see the benefit… then go to Mandela, Zulu King Goodwill Zwelethini or/and get the local Sangomas on board so that they can preach the necessity even in the rural areas! Sangomas have been used to fight AIDS – so why not for the sake of BEE?! It would probably enlighten people enough to end the Sangoma traditions… let’s just hope that the Sangomas are not bright and foresighted enough to understand!

In turn, hopefully (and I truly believe) you would get a system where candidates get chosen based on their merits and nothing else. What if only the best qualified students was funneled up into higher education… and you couldn’t just buy your degree?! Provide some scholarships in this transitional period… but give the best students a chance! Take myself as an example: I was nowhere near good enough to go into Medical School. I studied economy/marketing because that was my interest among the studies that I was qualified for. I sharpened up, matured and came out fine I believe. One year later, and I wouldn’t have qualified for the same school either, so I was lucky! Tough, but that’s life!

Beware of the blue elephants and put more focus on education… I guess that’s all I wanted to say!!

TIA – This Is Africa

I was up unusually early this morning (yesterday), because I was too agitated and pissed off to sleep! I took a walk/jog to try and rid myself of some built up excess energy. As I walk under some trees that are hanging out over the street, something drops from the tree. From the side of my vision I could see this “something” dropping, but not really what it was. Whether it was a cone, a branch or a coconut… I was incredibly alert this morning and jumped aside in pure reflex. The curious George in me wanted to know what it was though. It blended into the grass and moved… long after it should have stopped rolling or bouncing. A snake! It was a tiny little green snake. Who knows what kind and how poisonous it could be, but it was a small footstep away from landing on my shoulder.
In Norway we have a poisonous adder. It’s the only poisonous snake around, and for some people it could be no worse than a bee sting. I know though, that juvenile snakes of the kind give everything in one bite… whilst the adult snakes learn to portion out their venom. Thus, it can be worse to meet an unruly youngster than a more impressive one size wise. Size is truly not everything… and this dropping, jumping, flying marine/ amphibian snake could hardly be more than 20-30cm long… and thin and puny. Was it a tiny unruly one, old and slow, dangerous or harmless kind??? I think I will retreat from the bush into a safe and secure library to find out one of these days…
My father in law once told me that they used to climb up in the trees to pluck mangos. High up there, they used to see small green snakes all the time… really poisonous ones I remember him saying. Was it to spice up the story or were they really that dangerous I wonder now? I was impressed though, enough to remember the story now at least. I’ve been on the farm and seen those huge mango trees... and can easily imagine myself up there with jumping snakes… I’m sure my snake was the same kind!

In my more than one year now in South Africa, and several vacations before, I have seen one dead snake on the road before this. That was in a bush area close to the Mozambiquan border and far away from civilization. I knew they where hiding somewhere, but never expected one to attack me from a tree like that… It would have been more likely in the deep African jungle, but not on the streets in Pretoria?! Last week I found a tiny little scorpion on our patio. Then you know that mom and dad must be somewhere around too. I imagined the kids stepping on one on the lawn, and threw it into the braai (barbeque) coals…

TIA I’m thinking – This Is Africa! But TIA has always been a way to explain stupid, bureaucratic, slow and inefficient stuff… All the time it’s been a humoristic way (for me at least!) to make an excuse for harmless but tiresome practices. Only when a snake attacks you from a tree does TIA sort of hit you right in the face. Then you realize that this is as TIA as you can get it in the developed South Africa. All the creeps and wild animals come with the package.
Did I sign up for all this when I left Norway a year ago? The Norwegian winter is bad enough, but no deadly bugs or reptiles can survive it. The cold wipes out that factor sort of and keeps it disinfected! Maybe there is something to Norway after all? Maybe my ancestors saw something that I’ve been too blind to see before today?! Maybe there was a good reason for that great trek after all?? How could my ancestors be so stupid - when I'm so smart after all?! It does not make sense of course! This must be the reason!! Imagine what other scary creatures they had in the Cradle of Humankind back then... a T-Rex Mamba or a Megaladon Bug that is yet to be discovered and excavated maybe? No wonder they jumped that pond and over to the European side!!

Rewriting the history of KZN and SA!

I’m reading this book now, about Thugs in India… Thugs were people that belonged to a cult, and they were killing hundreds of thousands of travelers through a couple of centuries. This was around 1600 – 1800 approximately. The travelers were strangled and given to Kali (the Hindu god of destruction)…

The Brits were there in India at the time of course, and put an end to it around the 1830’s. But get real! India is a huge country… so did they really smoke out all the Thugs back then?? Of course the few remaining Thugs were squeezed up in a corner with a death sentence weighing down their shoulders… Then suddenly the Brits offer to ship people to South Africa to grow sugar canes! What a bloody marvelous opportunity?! Of all the people in India – who do you think were the first to jump onboard?? That’s right, the Thugs!

I’m updating history here… a well hidden secret! The tiny little and meager looking Indians that came ashore here in South Africa were not just harmless farmers like they appeared to be. Ruthless killers of the first degree they were! Very happily they worked in silence on the coast of Natal… This was of course much better than being hung or decapitated by the East India Company, so they kept quiet and to themselves for a while... but for how long can you tame the beast – only for SO long!

South Africa at this time had also a rugged history with lots of fighting between the tribes… and fighting for their share of the trade in Delagoa Bay (Maputo). It was around this time that Shaka Zulu had just tidied up in the chaos of tribes… killed and annihilated some and chased the rest into the desert and other not so fertile grounds.The South Africans at the time were used to fights and killings in other words… and to find a few corpses here and there was not such a big deal. Very convenient for the Thugs, wasn’t it. They could pick up their work again and please Kali like never before! When you see Kali pictured with her sickl and the heads of her victims… there is a huge difference between the Indian and the South African pictures you must know. The decapitated bodies, or just heads, around her feet are always more numerable in the South African pictures! Kali had her days of glory in KZN, that’s for sure, and for a long time she was actually contemplating to immigrate to the sugar fields at this point in time.

On a few occasions, when the Thugs were caught almost red handed, they conveniently blamed it on the Zulu’s. Nobody had any problem believing this of course, and the Zulus got a much more ferocious reputation than they deserved because of this. This reputation in turn made it easier for the Zulus to expand… The reputation preceded them so that they could grow strong, and they didn’t even know that they had the Thugs from India and Kali to thank for it!

Although Kali never made it onboard any of the ships over to South Africa, the Thugs could continue to slaughter travelers and please Kali. History made it easy for the Thugs to work quietly behind the scene… and the killings has become just a natural thing and part of South African culture. Then the whites developed something called Apartheid. Yet again, this was very convenient for the Thugs. Racial discrimination and killings… and yet another alibi! Still now in the wake of Apartheid… 13 years after, the crime statistics and killings in South Africa are unmatched worldwide! Still people find ways to explain it… racial discrimination, inequality, uneven distribution of wealth… whilst all this time we are all just covering up for the Thugs! Nobody even talks about Thugs any more… if they ever knew what a Thug was in South Africa. I am really impressed with these master criminals and murderers! At least now they can get their well deserved honor and fame, like a distinction for well executed Thugee service!

I am very pleased with my findings… always a pleasure to reveal historical gems like this… really my kind of treasure hunt! I’m sure people will remember me as a great contributor to the written history on this field. If not already recognized during my life time, then no doubt they will dig properly into it and put me on a pedestal like any other important person once I’m dead. Hulette Sugar Ltd. will give me a big sweet prize for this! But hold on a bit! If that was the Thugs onboard the ships back then… it means that I am also married into a family of bona fide Thugs, doesn’t it?! Their level of discretion is unbelievable… right there under your own nose they operate! I should check the freezer for body parts… but worse even; am I safe??!! As an expat I can be categorized as a traveler, which used to be the traditional and main target for the Thugs. These unscrupulous bastards marry their victims also now, to cover up for their acts. I have to get out of this whilst I still can… not only for my own life, but to secure this important piece of history for mankind… against Thug-kind!

Out of Africa - the first great trek!

I left South Africa for a little while recently for a short trip back home to Norway. I had the warm summer months behind me in South Africa and arriving after the long cold and dark winter months in Norway. In 2-3 weeks time I'll return to South Africa and a not so terrible African winter. The timing for me is perfect! Diving in South Africa in exchange for skiing in the cold is a good deal for me. As I jump off the plane in Norway though it's not the fresh and pleasant summer air that hits me. It's fresh by all means - damn cold!!

The following morning after I arrive in Norway, I wake up early. The grass outside is white! No snow, but frost. A couple of hundred meters further up the road I can still find some snow though. This is May. When I graduated from High School it was a custom... or more like a demand and a group pressure to have a swim in the lake before the 1st of May. That sounds pretty ridiculous and not very tempting right now. I did it back then... and a lot of other stupid stuff of course. I almost slip and cripple myself on the frosty and slippery stairs outside when I'm going to get the newspaper. I curse my own ancestors for settling down up here.A local character with a passion for nature, wildlife and geology has reconstructed a Mammoth. That's the kind of things that you find around here. The remains of the Mammoth was well kept and possible to rebuild. That can only happen at this latitude in ice or permanently frosted ground... so you can imagine what we have to deal with up here. They have put the Mammoth inside a big house now... can't leave it out in the cold of course. But why the hell did they have to travel so far north - my ancestors? They must have noticed how it was getting colder and colder further north, right?

I took my son for a stroll on a small road inside the woods here. We saw a hare that was in the process of changing from winter to summer fur. At first I thought it was a rock with some kind of white fungus growing on it. Then as the rock started jumping, I realized that the fungus was actually the ears that was still white and that the legs was also still white. The snow had evidently left only a short while ago. Later in the day as I walked downtown I noticed all the pale people! Natures way is truly incredible... they still had their full winter camouflage intact!
I went to Sterkfontein in South Africa recently, and the Cradle of Human Kind. If it's true what they claim, then South Africa is where the first humans set their foot. Mrs Ples and Littlefoot did at least. This was a long time ago of course. Probably back in the days when there was only one big super continent called the Pangea. The Pangea started splitting up and drift apart and became Africa and Europe and the rest like we know it today. The early humans started off in the south and obviously spread out across the one and only (still) continent. Then a few of them jumped over to Europe just in time for the European voyage. The same thing with the Americans and Asians. Australia was a different story - that was deportation and much much later!

Anyway, my theory is that all humans at this early stage was in fact black. Then as they jumped over to more appealing continents, nature helped them to adapt to their new neighborhoods. Obviously the northern settlers needed to blend in with the snow to sneak in on the animals. So nature bleached us, plain and simple. Charles Darwin forgot to mention this in his book; "Survival of the fittest". Pale as we are... we are fitter than most imaginable creatures up here in the ice and snow.

I can picture my own ancestors standing there on the northern edge of the African continent... around Egypt... some in Alger maybe. The gap to the other side was getting bigger, and they were forced to make a decision. Which side do they prefer? On the one side they had elephants, rhinos and springbok. On the other side they could see the mammoths, elks and deer. The elephants and rhinos were too scary... and the springboks too hard to catch. Except for the mammoth, it appeared to be a good trade. It was a moment of now or never... so they jumped over to the other side. A giant leap for man, a bigger one for mankind... and fatal for me! Neil Armstrong stole that line from my ancestors for his puny moonwalk. Proof of mankinds idiocy both. Well, on the bright side (back then - not now), the temperature must have been pleasant on the opposite shore of the Mediterranean stream/pond. The morons kept going and followed the animals into the snowy and icy mountains though, and settled down almost on top of a glacier. No bloody excuse for that!

I read this book recently about historys biggest blunders. My forefathers are not mentioned anywhere, although worthy of the first volume alone in my view. I mean, if they wanted a cool breeze and some occasional snow... couldn't they just climb up in the Drakensberg for a short while... or Mount Kenya... worst case Kilimanjaro??? No, they had to come all the way up here and sit down next to an eternal iceberg. In Norway we've got some rules for when you're walking in the mountains... and one goes; "it's never too late to turn back"!! I don't know if that applied back then... it should of course. Maybe the chief that was guiding his clan was just too bloody proud to do so... and didn't want to lose face. Considering that they came from the south, that is highly possible. I know a lot about "losing face cultures"! Not losing face brought me here... and through a Bangkok marathon!

The Boer people in South Africa made a "Great Trek" and called themselves voortrekkers, although it was a walk in the park compared to "our trek". My forfathers made a huge trek and a leap if that's anything to be proud of. My roots were planted up here... and now I have to deal with it. Slipping on the stairs is just one of the minor hazards around... although the mammoths are gone long time ago, domesticated or kept indoors - thank god(s). Now I've dealt with it though, and booked my ticket back to South Africa on May 20st.

South Africa - on my communist trail

As I'm visiting my home country now I'm staying with my old man. It's kinda nostalgic, coz I'm staying in my own room with my son. It's pretty much like I left it about 16 years ago, with all my books and comics and guy things. If this was in a big city or something my father would probably have moved a number of times and "my room" would have been history. This is possible only because this is in the middle of the woods on a farm that my father is very attached to. But my room IS history... or has some stories to tell. Among all my old things I've got an old bust of Lenin, the late communist. I bought it as a souvenir on vacation when I was 14years old! I also got a huge Russian flag that used to hang on my door - a gift from a Russian couple that I exchanged some favors (exchanging currency and bought international tobacco) with. Later I studied Russian language for two years and did a project on Marxism. What kind of communist was I really? I'm shocked when I think about it! I remember hosting a party once... and gave directions on how to get here. As a landmark we put the humongous Russian flag on the house wall... wonder what other people were thinking back then right after the cold war, LOL!

A few years ago... on the way down to South Africa, we stopped in London to visit some friends. I was busy telling Derek about the Norwegian society... the equal distribution of wealth, level of salaries and business life in general. Derek made his own conclusion - "so it's a f**king communist state then"? I was surprised and quite impressed at the same time, it was hard to deny the similarities. At the same time I remembered an attempt to merge two telecom companies from Norway and Sweden. When the whole merger collapsed, a Swedish politician called Norway the last soviet state - years after the Soviet Union collapsed. So maybe we are... and I was just showing signs of being a product of this communist state?

Now, years later again I live in South Africa. I live with my family and enjoy it big time down here. Many of the freedom fighters during Apartheid was in fact communists, or helped and funded by the communists in the Soviet Union. ANC has got some of it's roots in communism... and ever since the Apartheid, ANC has been in charge. Norway and South Africa has got something in common for sure. Maybe it's not coinsidential at all that I'm here... Maybe it's the communist inside me that unconsciously drew me here... and maybe that's why I'm enjoying it so much also? I'm scaring myself here now... what other dark secrets will I find within myself if I continue searching? I'm sure my wife will object to the communism theory though and give another story behind my gravitational pull towards South Africa. She is right of course! Evidence is sleeping right next to me here in his fathers old bedroom. We will gravitate back the same way soon - to South Africa!