Being Norwegian

I’m back in Norway, and reflecting on being Norwegian. Norwegians are nationalistic (I’ve heard), and they (we) love to show glorifying programs on TV about themselves. I watched one of these programs recently, and got more resentful than ever before against my forefathers for settling down here…

Here’s just an example from history to put things into perspective. Scott, an English explorer (but I suspect a Norwegian wannabe!) tried to get to the poles (North and South Pole), but failed. Shackleton, one of Scotts previous companions also tried but failed miserably. Then came this new guy, Roald Amundsen, from out of nowhere. His anonymous existence and home land was of course Norway, which resembles the North and the South Pole for most of the year. He made a slight detour from his back yard and his natural habitat. On this stroll, he passed Scott and his hardy explorers and planted a flag on the South Pole. How could this guy from Norway, where everybody is expected to be nobodies, beat the tough explorers from the proud British Empire? He is Norwegian, that’s all! After two years abroad I have lost touch and forgotten what actually goes into being a Norwegian. Norwegian broadcasting though is too sharp to remind me!

In Norway we have an expression; “sweat oneself to death” (å svette seg i hjel) ! Do not make the mistake and translate this into “sweat like a pig”, coz it’s not! Far from it! Sweating to death makes you think of a very hot and humid place, but wrong again! The expression originates (I swear!) in Norway and applies to Norway, the North Pole and the South Pole only. To develop a sweat under these extreme conditions can be lethal. It’s fine whilst you’re in motion and keep up the temperature. When you cool down though, sweat leads to frost, gangrene and you lose limbs or life altogether! Thus sweating to death! Norwegians are therefore not hasty and quickest of the lot, but don’t call them slow… they are just survivors! Norwegians won’t get too excited and worked up, knowing the warnings from the childhood tales. These normal Norwegian instincts are regarded as extreme survival techniques by Navy Seals, spetsnaz and other special forces. People think twice about attacking Norwegians on their home grounds. Still, Hitler attacked on April 9th (early spring), knowing that he had precious little time before the seasons changed and the Norwegians where back in their element. Those summer months proved to be the Achilles heel for Norway.

Roald Amundsen did only what came natural to him, and Scott must have been like Bambi on the ice in his eyes. As a Norwegian he was simply better fit for the task. Born in the cold (with skis on his feet of course) he was brought up with all the survival tricks like all Norwegians. It was a walk in the park for Amundsen. I should be happy and grateful, but why? You shouldn’t have to know these things. Back when vast areas of the planet were still untouched by humans, there was no sound reason to challenge the territory of the polar bear and the mammoth. Norwegians proved fitter than the mammoths and have long outlived them. Stuck in the cold, the victory is a bitter one. I wish I could have a good talk with my ancestor that was responsible for my Norwegian passport! He was a bigger schmuck than Scott for sure! Maybe I have no right complaining about my ancestors. After all I came back, and settled down in Bergen of all places! People here live in a steep hillside on top of each other. The amount of rain that pours down here can drown you in no time.

When the water pulled out from the shore in South East Asia, the elephants ran to the hills instinctively. They knew the tsunami was on its way. Likewise, people in Bergen settled in the hills. When the weather here shows its real potential, no stream or sucction will be able to cope with the amount of water. The sea level in Bergen will rise! Tales from early Norwegian settlers has shaped our instincts accordingly... just another Norwegian survival thingy. When all life is washed away and Noah's ark is searching for a place to start over again, they will be surprised to find myriads of Norwegians and elephants. So Norwegians are the chosen people whenever God finds the timing right to reset with clean sheets. Good prospects for survival in other words, but imagine what a heavy and unpleasant burden!! The burden weighs heavily on broad shoulders. From the tall Vikings, I'm down to 176cm above ground level... up in the hills!If you’re a non Norwegian, here’s a tip for ya. God will of course give his chosen people a real chance. I derive from this that the Bergen flood will not start during summer (our Achilles months, remember), but rather during the harsh months of January and February when Norwegians are in their true element! Just in case you want to improve your chances...

Future prospects for norwegians in an evolutionary perspective!

What defines you?

Does your work define you as a person?! Just like your parents, your upbringing, your country and local community. They are influences and tell a story about you as a person. Work is not an insignificant influence, am I right? You put down at least 1/3 of your day doing whatever you do, striving to get good at it, going from junior to senior, up the hierarchy and get sculpted more and more!

The worrying thing is that people take the choice of work a bit too lightly. I am wondering if I have fallen into this trap myself actually. This job you choose is going to change people’s perception of you forever. You should actually do a thorough analysis of each company. What would you be involved in and what core values does this company represent… history maybe, and the name that defines this company and will no doubt rub off on you! This is a “growing” concern for me these days… Browsing through some Egyptian mythology the other day I was intrigued to find a god by the same name as the company I work for – Osiris!Osiris is also called Orion the Hunter in Greek mythology and Herne the Hunter in Norse mythology and he was a great warrior! The gods walked among humans at this stage, and the reign of Osiris was a “golden age”! So far so good and I’m overjoyed and no worries at all! The name though is also connected with insemination. Orion, derived from “ourien” meaning semen, and the belt of Orion is a euphemism. In ancient times this was a penis that became erect as the year progressed. That’s a shame and a serious dysfunction. A whole year to get it up?! Seriously, you don’t want this kind of stuff to rub off on you, whether you live in the times of Viagra or not!! Must I hand in my resignation now, or should I stick it out and resort to Viagra if worst comes to worst?

Seth, the envoy of Satan, made a cedar chest (coffin) inlaid with gold, silver, ivory and lapis lazuli. Whoever fitted the chest best, could take it away! Like Cinderella, Osiris won the prize! As soon as Osiris had lied down, Seth slammed the lid on and sealed the chest. It was thrown into the Nile and washed ashore in Syria. A tree grew up and wrapped and enclosed the chest completely. Famous for its splendor it was chopped down and made into a pillar in the Syrian King’s palace. Osiris’s wife, Isis managed to locate and free him, but Seth attacked again!

This time Seth wanted to make sure that he did the job properly. He hacked Osiris to pieces, 14 in total, and spread them far apart geographically so that he could not be made whole again! Isis though as the devoted wife retrieved the pieces, puzzled him together and wrapped him up with bandages so that he could heal. This was the “first mummy”! There was just one small catch! She had found all the pieces except one – the penis! Isis, who no doubt wanted a fully functioning husband back made a golden penis and attached it to his body. I imagine this to be history’s first dildo! Dealing with clients and business associates now… do they see Jonny or do they see a mummy with a golden dildo shining through??

Isis was unable to bring Osiris fully back to life… other than sexually! With a lot of TLC she managed to work him up and make him ejaculate. So Horus was born, the new Master of the Universe! Horus killed Seth to avenge his father, whilst Osiris lived in the Underworld as its King of the Dead. No doubt there are many facets to Osiris, some desirable and some not so desirable! Can you choose or in any way influence what rubs off on you? This is crucial to me given Osiris’s history. I need advice on this… so I will keep my resignation unsigned in the drawer for now!

BTW! My gmail is getting spammed recently with “increase your size” e-mails despite the fact that I have not surfed anything remotely associated?! Is it Osiris?

History of brainiacs, creation and God

Easter time is a religious high season. About 30 years ago a young boy in Norway was watching TV about a certain crucifixion, ascension and return to earth. The main character of the story could have been any super hero, but happened to be Jesus. “Do you believe this mom?” Mom hesitated for a moment but eventually answered; “Naah”! “Me neither!”; said the boy, and turned the TV off! He never really looked back. During his studies though, he learnt that you have to keep an open and unbiased mind to prove something wrong in order to get any wiser... and it would of course be awesome to prove the GOD-hypothesis wrong, at least within a 95% confidence interval. In marketing terms that’s “good enough” and case closed! It seems like the forces of the universe are pulling together in order to really find out now... could it in fact be a “message”, I wonder?


Michael Heller is busy calculating GOD’s existence on the Roman Catholic Church’s behalf, and hopefully his/her whereabouts on my behalf. I choose to see Mr Heller’s impressive formula as a test of the GOD hypothesis. Meanwhile, a European CSI team at the European particle-physics lab (CERN) in Geneva are preparing their new super-toy! The Large Hadron Collider’s first task later this year will be to look for GOD, or the “Higgs boson particle” in CSI terms. The mathematicians, also behind this project, say that their toy could theoretically make wormlike holes into time. Should my space shuttle plans fall apart, then I’ve already got my contingency plan. Grissom and his colleagues just lost a viewer now, as I will rather follow this show closely!!

Bishop James Ussher (Irish) devised in the early 17th century that the world was created at 6pm on Saturday, October 22nd, 4004BC (flat of course)! H.G. Wells referred to it as “this fantastically precise misconception” in 1922 (and I must agree!), but he was still unable to give a better prediction. The Old Testament provided a scattered puzzle of people’s life, age and historical events that made it possible to backtrack the day of God’s creation. Never mind the fact that Adam then lived to be 930 years old and descendants and record holder (so far) Methuselah lived to be 969 years old! A healthy climate, abundance of food and absence of diseases helped to explain this! Augustine (“Give me chastity – but not yet”) deducted amongst other things from this that they reached puberty late back in the days...


Backtracking the 6 days of creation became imperative in this work. Great minds like Thomas Burnet and Isaac Newton concluded that since earth itself was created on the 3rd day, the two first days could have been as long as it suited their theories (!). Newton explained further that God created earth stationary and only gradually started to spin! How wrinkled mustn’t Adam have been after 930 slow moving years only covered by a leaf under the burning sun?!

George-Louis Leclerc de Buffon based his work on solid scientific principles and evidence of nature. This was a new approach! Edmund Halley (Halley’s comet) had tried to measure the increasing saltiness of the sea and based on this backtrack the age of earth. Other than this, all attempts had been strictly biblical. Any “scientific” methods were used to back up biblical accounts!

Buffons theory however scrapped all biblical accounts! Earth was created by a comet that hit the sun. Glowing minerals was thrown into space (I assume!) and formed earth. In a stroke he reduced the world’s creation, the glorious masterpiece from the Supreme Architect God to nothing but a catastrophic accident! Your parents romp that accidentally made you is nothing compared to this!!

Newton estimated that the earth’s age was 50.000 years based on a comet-sun impact and the time it would take for earth to cool down, but there was never any doubt in his mind that the bible was correct. In 1765 when Jean-Jacques Dortous de Mairan (mathematician) revealed that earth contained an inner source of heat. Buffon was re-inspired by the fact that this backed his Newtonian cooling earth theory. He declared Siberia the “cradle of life” as it had once been hot and humid like Africa. My second home country currently holds the “cradle of human kind” so I’m not entirely happy about the challenge that this theory represent. However I trust that this theory will ridicule itself! Catherine II of Russia however was very pleased that all living creatures seemed to have popped out of her beloved Russia! Weighing the different materials that earth consists of, Buffon calculated that earth would have taken a total of 74.047 years to reach its current temperature. Adding the suns influence he landed on 74.832 years as published in his Epoch of Nature.

It took according to Buffon 35.000 years for water to condense out of the atmosphere to form oceans (of what was left between the continents). As a “could have been farmer” I strongly object to this as I have more than once boiled the potatoes dry twice before ready. Clearly with the heat in question caused by the sun or comets or whatever... we would have had deserts left and only occasional ponds, salty like the Dead Sea! So out of a limited 75.000 years I would have theoretically granted the species a larger portion of that time to develop.

Only after 60.000 years according to Buffon had the temperature dropped enough for the first land animals like elephants and rhinos to appear in the jungles of Siberia. Mankind showed up after 70.000 years so that the early gurus’ estimations of 4-6000 years at least for man could be accepted. It was thus independently proved to conveniently match the biblical tales. Buffon never questioned Adams 930 slow years, but since the world had now spun for 70.000 years already it was pretty much up to speed with our years nowadays I would guess. A comparatively much shorter 930 years in other words, but still a long life!

Lucky for Buffon at the time, there were no talking about humanoids and Neanderthals that could prove his theories wrong! Man was created last to take the sceptre of the earth only when it was found worthy of “his empire”! Buffon could therefore enjoy the fame, although it didn’t go exactly as he would’ve hoped! People admired his writing style, but doubted his arguments and rather took to his theories as enjoyable philosophy and early science fiction. Very much like that small boy in Norway with the biblical stories presented to him!

Nina Azari, a neuroscientist with a doctorate in theology, has looked at the brains of religious compared to non religious people. She has measured the brain activity whilst citing the 23rd psalm, a “happy” story and a neutral text. The religious guys in her test-panel all agreed that citing the 23rd psalm helped them enter a religious state of mind, so it would be interesting to compare this with the non religious guys. Previous research on the field has suggested that the limbic system (which regulates emotions) is an important centre of religious activity. Therefore it was expected that the religious people had quite high activity in the limbic system. However, the 23rd psalm caused activity other places than expected... and only for the religious guys. The only thing that triggered limbic activity among all, was the happy story! Religion affects many areas of the brain apparently. A so called God-spot however is derived from work conducted on epileptics. The reports suggest that religious visions are the result of epileptic seizures that affect this part of the brain (!!).I am amazed by the fact that all the brainiacs in time, that still have a name in history, went out of their way to confirm and entangle visions caused by epileptic seizures into their theories??!! I’m starting to question gravity here now!!

Blue eyed studs!

I’m a mutant! I read it in an article, and scientifically explained in the journal Human Genetics. My blue eyes came about through a mutation about 6-10.000 years ago. I can be classified and grouped safely together with The Teenage Ninja Turtles. The name mutant gives me the notion that I could be in the company of a lot of freaks with extra limbs and other unfortunate mutations out there, but is it really that bad? It did not give me any powers like Spiderman that I’ve discovered so far

Before this mutation took place, everybody had brown eyes apparently. Blue eyes appeared due to a genetic switch that turned down the amount of melanin in the iris. A complete Eskom switch off would have turned us into albinos. Nature stopped the process before it went that far, thank God… or evolution! Today apparently blue eyed people make up a good percentage of the European population. Even in an evolutionary time frame, there has been an explosion of blue eyes in Europe. The question arises; “How can this be?”

Hawk gives me a very satisfactory answer! “This gene does something good for people. It makes them have more kids!” Ok, we’re not making Australian rabbit like explosion with billions of people like in China and India. We don’t need 12 kids for disciples or pension aid. No doubt though, when we set our mind to it and hit the sack, more blue eyes will pop up! We’re the human studs – incredibly reproductive! Our sperm can outrun any competitor’s donations. So if you’re a woman struggling in this department, find yourself a blue eyed stud and consider the matter solved! I take it that Hawk is a member of the scientific crew, so there can be no doubt!

The Human Genetics article never gave any explanation as to what caused this mutation though. The second monkey theory should help explain it once and for all! As opposed to the African monkey which lived in abundance, the Stensby voortrekkers ended up in the much scarcer northern Africa and Middle East before getting to the tip of the Ice berg, Norway. The Old Norwegian tradition of taking surnames after the place of birth should be evidence enough. Stensby = stone + town, as between a rock and a hard place and very scarce. Obviously we were pushed, and had to develop more rapidly in order to survive. The good mutational conditions in Europe along with the genetic gearing resulted in us blue eyed studs! I don't know many blue eyed people with red hair, which means that we steered clear of the Neanderthals, which in turn means we're not overly kinky weirdoes either. Darwin would have put us on a pedestal if he knew, and I suspect that Hitler was on the brink of this discovery although in a different context!

Fancy salt in your tea?!

Ever since my son (now 3 years old) was born I’ve noticed some (for me) strange things happening when visiting the grandparents in South Africa. Troy loves to bath and play in the bathtub, and the grandparents love to give him a bath, so that’s well and fine! It gives us a 20min to an hour break. A few times I’ve noticed that the water seemed slightly “colored”. I never questioned anybody about this as I thought it could be due to colored tap water (although I know the tap water in South Africa is good), soap or bath foam giving color or some other logical explanation to it. Recently however when I checked on my son in the tub, I noticed something floating around in the water. Instinctively I’m thinking; “Troy, you’re too big for that now”! He has plenty of toys in the tub, both cars, boats and spidermen, but these were Unidentifiable Floating Objects (UFO’s) at first glance. A quick investigation revealed however that it was in fact teabags – 4 teabags?! Without drowning levels of water, it actually gave a slight color. How can you put “food stuff” in the bath tub?? Troy was not off the hook - this could only be a toddler’s idea! Busy scolding him, he looks at me with big innocent eyes saying; “What the heck are you talking about papa. What did I do wrong now"? "Grandma put it”!
When Troy was still a baby “we” read in a pregnancy magazine that Rooibos tea (bush-tea) was good for babies for a number of reasons – colic and constipation amongst others. My wife used to bring Rooibos tea from South Africa every holiday, so this was easy accessible and something we decided to give from an early age. Colic and constipation wise we’ve been fine all the way - knock on wood! A closer inspection of the bathwater teabags revealed that this was also Rooibos tea. I did not taste, so I’m not sure whether grandma put milk and sugar? “It’s good for him!”; that’s the most detailed explanation I could get, so I googled it in stead! Rooibos must be as close as you can possibly get to the fountain of youth! Aside from colic and constipation its good for insomnia, stress, depression and a lot more. It makes me think about a certain tree in Zanzibar that the locals called the “20remedy tree”. Rooibos easily beats that! I have now decided to encourage the tea bath!!
I have always thought of tea as an English or commonwealth thing. Norwegians drink tea also, but not as frequent, quantity wise… or with milk! My own brain scan survey tells me that Norwegians have mostly black tea, although it could be a personal preference and nothing more. The history of tea is very interesting though. Just like some Norwegian food traditions (I’m sure of it!), tea was discovered by accident! According to the myth, the Chinese emperor Shen Nung (over 5000 years ago) had ordered his people to always boil water before drinking it. One day some dried leaves from a nearby bush fell into the water, and a brown liquid was infused into the water. Shen Nung tested and found it very refreshing – tea was invented! Lu Yu, because of his book "Tea classic" was granted the title "Father of Tea" in China as late as around 700AD though! Buddhist monks later used tea to enhance meditation. The Buddhist priest Yeisei brought the first tea to Japan, and was known as “The Father of Tea” in Japan. Tea filtered into Europe through early caravan leaders. It was the Portuguese who gained the first right to trade with China, but the Dutch and the British East India Companies made it more accessible. Soon it was brought to all the colonies around the world – including America and South Africa!
In America they poured shiploads of tea into the sea in a rebellious act (Boston Tea Party), which was a catalyst leading to the American Revolution! New shiploads found the way to America so they could indulge in less revolutionary tea parties. In South Africa/Namibia they picked up Rooibos from the San Bushmen (Basarwa) as an added flavor to the already well established tea culture. It does not entirely explain why my son is soaking in it though…?
Indians love tea. I’ve seen it in the Indian movies, but I’ve never seen anybody soak in it before my own son. Even Gandhi took inspiration from the history of tea. In 1930 he organized the “salt protest”, a march in protest against the British salt production monopoly. He held a handful of “duty free” (illegally produced) salt to a British official and stated; “The salt is to remind us of the famous Boston Tea Party”! It was a clever warning, and the salt protest became India’s answer to Boston Tea Party!

Speaking of salt! My in-laws “turn salt” for the children as protection against the “evil eye” as well! They hold a handful of rough salt in front of the child’s face and make a few circular gestures. Pretty much like Gandhi did… is there a connection I wonder?! Especially if people have uttered words of appreciation over the children, like “such a cute girl” or “handsome boy”, you have to “turn salt”! Now I know why they put bath salt for the children… cleverly camouflaged! I wonder what else is in that bath water? Indian voodoo-culture! I think I will collect samples and take them to a lab…

Zulu traditions!

You know that famous quote from Caesar; “You too, Brutus my son?”, as he gets assassinated in Rome! The Romans thought they were smart when they invented the republic. The republic could never save Caesar though. It actually became his certain death! He should have killed the whole senate to stay safe... much like the zulu's!

The Zulu history is very interesting in that respect. They seemed to have found a solution to this problem. As a Zulu chief died, it was usually a big havoc and fighting amongst his legitimate and illegitimate children to take over the throne. The way to do it was of course to kill all your brothers. Nobody else could then inherit the throne, and nobody would dare question you. This worked remarkably well!

Shaka Zulu is considered the great Zulu Warrior King of all times. He was not very consistent with the Zulu traditions though. Out of his own choice it’s said that he never had children, as they could turn against you at any time. He had a point there, looking at what happened to Caesar. Historians claim this was rather a cover up of the fact that he was either gay or impotent (or both). He did kill his brother Sugujana to claim the throne in line with the tradition… just not his half brothers Dingaan and Mhlangana. The two brothers eventually stabbed Shaka Zulu to death, and Dingaan became the new king! Dingaan was very consistent with the Zulu tradition though. He killed not only his half brother, but anyone whose loyalties were in question!

At present, Goodwill Zwelithini is king of the Kingdom of KwaZulu-Natal. Apparently he has not wiped out all disloyal underlings in his kingdom in line with the tradition. Recently no less than 11 family members and chiefs have personally attacked Zwelithini (verbally only yet) and applied to be declared kings like Zwelithini. These 11 new candidates are loyal to Mangosuthu Buthelezi which is in opposition to the king. Buthelezi is also the king’s cousin, or “uncle” in Zulu kinship reckoning. How can this be possible in Zululand?! Where are all the assegais and knobkerries?! Can’t they just settle the matter in the old fashioned ways on some open field? Without strong Zulu traditions… what’s left really?!

Another Ape - another trek Out of Africa

I went to a party the other day. One guy stood out from the crowd as loud and outspoken; let’s call him “Pablo”. He seemed to have opinions about most things. He had some theories that I found amusing and very interesting, and just the kinda stuff I enjoy... If his theory happens to be correct, I’ll have to revise my own “Out of Africa” theory, but what the hell. So I’ll try to quote some of his theories… hope I get it right! I should also add that there are no racial motives behind this theory… I believe!

Apparently, there is a difference between the black people and the other races in this country. The blacks were here from the early morning, and bred right out of the cradle – The Cradle of Humankind that is. They have found tons of evidence to confirm this. Mrs. Ples, Lucy and Littlefoot and lots of other unnamed apes (John Doe’s) and humanoids. These monkeys are our prehistoric forefathers, earlier stages in evolution, before they developed into humans like you and me. As the general scientific theories go, they are the forefathers to people in all continents. They spread out from South Africa to all the continents – almost like today’s island hopping in Greece, and like my forefathers on their great trek (http://stensbys.blogspot.com/2007/05/out-of-africa-great-trek.html).

Pablo’s theory though, reject that the same monkey made the great leap across the Mediterranean or the Suez Canal, and out of Africa. There was another ape that developed further north somewhere that crossed the rivers, ponds and lakes or whatever… and then spread out to inhabit the other continents. So, there was one monkey for Africa, and another one for the rest… So what? You’ve got two different monkeys to explain the nuances in skin colour?! The Stensby Ape’s trek was a bit shorter than earlier assumed (Coz I must assume that my ancestors was among Pablo’s lot), but still a lot more impressive than that of the voortrekkers. But there is more to it than that. When Jan Van Riebeck and the Dutch and later the Brits came to South Africa, they were technologically much more advanced than the native Africans that they met. A small difference could be random… but they were centuries apart in development! According to Pablo, there was no wheel even in Africa when the first colonizers started to nose about the African shores. How could this be if they were descendants of the same monkey?! So it’s proved then, that there was another monkey! Let’s just call it Pablo’s monkey to make things easy.

As Lucy, Mrs. Ples and Littlefoot grew up in abundance of food and resources, they were never pressured or challenged to find new ways. They were laid back and happy with things. Pablo’s monkey though developed further north. I can not remember exactly where… but whether it was Egypt, Middle East or Turkey… it was damn dry and far from the same abundance of flora and fauna. Why the hell did they end up there in the first place? My theory is that they were chased out by the other monkeys. Pablo’s monkey now had to be smart and creative to stay alive. Indeed it proved fit to survive also… so fit that the wheel was just around the corner. It’s like the Norwegian proverb: “Emergency teaches a naked woman to make clothes”! The significant difference back then was that Pablo’s monkey, unlike the laid back ones further south, developed the ability to plan from one day to the next. Pablo’s monkey also managed to overcome before insurmountable obstacles like crossing a river either by a raft or some kind of bridge. Mrs. Ples and Littlefoot were cut off by the Limpopo River, Zambezi and the Congo and thus stayed put, but did not care as they managed well in their abundance on this side. Not one single bridge, or a single structure like a log across the stream, has been found throughout Africa after the African monkeys. If it was really Mrs. Ples’s clan that chased Pablo’s monkey up north, then I owe her eternal gratitude. Then I will go to the Sterkfontein Caves once again to pay tribute. I guess I should not bear grudge against my forefathers either then (http://stensbys.blogspot.com/2007/05/out-of-africa-great-trek.html). I have to thank Pablo also, for putting my family’s evolution into a new and more favourable perspective. Now I can understand the reasons for ending up in the cold so far north. At the end of the day, I much prefer brains in the north to the alternative.

Whilst the smart apes migrated to Europe and other places, the other apes carried on in Africa at a slower development pace. So the technological development took different paths already hundreds and thousands of years ago. In light of the monkey story, it’s not so strange after all that the technological development was a few centuries behind in Africa. It certainly explains a few things that have been on my mind lately as well. Black people, at least some of them, are so laid back (like the ancestor ape) that they can hardly get out of the road in time to avoid cars on the highway! The Brits also went all the way to India to find proper working capacity on the cane fields, instead of using the (laid back/lazy) African tribes that was already here.

How can the whole nation (SA) pull together as one?:
Pablo went to Europe and was very impressed by the well functioning socialist European societies… especially the Scandinavian ones. This makes me proud of course being a Norwegian. Now we already established that there was a different breed of monkeys behind the “out of Africa” societies, but there is another explanation behind the socialist systems also. Europe was the scene of the Second World War. After everything was bombed to pieces there was a feeling of solidarity among people and they wanted to rebuild their countries. People helped each other and shared whatever they had at hand. 60 years after the war was over, you find societies where wealth is distributed fairly even throughout the whole population. Just that could be a goal for South Africa and many of the African countries to reach for, right?!

So what about South Africa then? Wasn’t Apartheid South Africa’s answer to Europe’s World War 2? Sure, for some, but only for one part of the population – the blacks. It’s a fight to claim back something rather than pulling together… It is admirable of course that this country came out of Apartheid without a civil war. But is that for the better really, or is it more like prolonging the pain? Maybe they NEED a war to get a new start with clean sheets? A civil war would probably not be a good solution anyway though… so they should find somebody outside their own borders to fight against. Then blacks, whites and Indians could have a common task to fight for or against... or whatever. It would mean pulling together at least. The only likely candidate I can think of at the moment is Zimbabwe… or Bob I mean of course! But then again - Mugabe and Mbeki are far too good friends for anything like that to happen!!

Rewriting the history of KZN and SA!

I’m reading this book now, about Thugs in India… Thugs were people that belonged to a cult, and they were killing hundreds of thousands of travelers through a couple of centuries. This was around 1600 – 1800 approximately. The travelers were strangled and given to Kali (the Hindu god of destruction)…

The Brits were there in India at the time of course, and put an end to it around the 1830’s. But get real! India is a huge country… so did they really smoke out all the Thugs back then?? Of course the few remaining Thugs were squeezed up in a corner with a death sentence weighing down their shoulders… Then suddenly the Brits offer to ship people to South Africa to grow sugar canes! What a bloody marvelous opportunity?! Of all the people in India – who do you think were the first to jump onboard?? That’s right, the Thugs!

I’m updating history here… a well hidden secret! The tiny little and meager looking Indians that came ashore here in South Africa were not just harmless farmers like they appeared to be. Ruthless killers of the first degree they were! Very happily they worked in silence on the coast of Natal… This was of course much better than being hung or decapitated by the East India Company, so they kept quiet and to themselves for a while... but for how long can you tame the beast – only for SO long!

South Africa at this time had also a rugged history with lots of fighting between the tribes… and fighting for their share of the trade in Delagoa Bay (Maputo). It was around this time that Shaka Zulu had just tidied up in the chaos of tribes… killed and annihilated some and chased the rest into the desert and other not so fertile grounds.The South Africans at the time were used to fights and killings in other words… and to find a few corpses here and there was not such a big deal. Very convenient for the Thugs, wasn’t it. They could pick up their work again and please Kali like never before! When you see Kali pictured with her sickl and the heads of her victims… there is a huge difference between the Indian and the South African pictures you must know. The decapitated bodies, or just heads, around her feet are always more numerable in the South African pictures! Kali had her days of glory in KZN, that’s for sure, and for a long time she was actually contemplating to immigrate to the sugar fields at this point in time.

On a few occasions, when the Thugs were caught almost red handed, they conveniently blamed it on the Zulu’s. Nobody had any problem believing this of course, and the Zulus got a much more ferocious reputation than they deserved because of this. This reputation in turn made it easier for the Zulus to expand… The reputation preceded them so that they could grow strong, and they didn’t even know that they had the Thugs from India and Kali to thank for it!

Although Kali never made it onboard any of the ships over to South Africa, the Thugs could continue to slaughter travelers and please Kali. History made it easy for the Thugs to work quietly behind the scene… and the killings has become just a natural thing and part of South African culture. Then the whites developed something called Apartheid. Yet again, this was very convenient for the Thugs. Racial discrimination and killings… and yet another alibi! Still now in the wake of Apartheid… 13 years after, the crime statistics and killings in South Africa are unmatched worldwide! Still people find ways to explain it… racial discrimination, inequality, uneven distribution of wealth… whilst all this time we are all just covering up for the Thugs! Nobody even talks about Thugs any more… if they ever knew what a Thug was in South Africa. I am really impressed with these master criminals and murderers! At least now they can get their well deserved honor and fame, like a distinction for well executed Thugee service!

I am very pleased with my findings… always a pleasure to reveal historical gems like this… really my kind of treasure hunt! I’m sure people will remember me as a great contributor to the written history on this field. If not already recognized during my life time, then no doubt they will dig properly into it and put me on a pedestal like any other important person once I’m dead. Hulette Sugar Ltd. will give me a big sweet prize for this! But hold on a bit! If that was the Thugs onboard the ships back then… it means that I am also married into a family of bona fide Thugs, doesn’t it?! Their level of discretion is unbelievable… right there under your own nose they operate! I should check the freezer for body parts… but worse even; am I safe??!! As an expat I can be categorized as a traveler, which used to be the traditional and main target for the Thugs. These unscrupulous bastards marry their victims also now, to cover up for their acts. I have to get out of this whilst I still can… not only for my own life, but to secure this important piece of history for mankind… against Thug-kind!

Sugar, honey honey… March 10th

Stopping by that sugar-managers house today was quite interesting. There was a lot of talk about sugar and the production process. Think I must beg for a guided tour there some time. The sugar cane goes in at the one end, and comes out as crystallized sugar in the other end 8 minutes/hours later.

The sugar cane industry in SA is a purely Indian thing! Thus they also favoured the Indian engineers to fix this and that on the mill. Once they had a Indian guy over to get water brought from 2km away into the mill. He was streetwise, and not an educated guy at all. The way he worked however impressed everybody. He also managed to bring the water into the mill using no pumps or compressors or anything like any engineer would be expected to use. The aqueduct or whatever he made works well even today, and saved the mill lots of money over the years. They were so happy with the guys work that they bought him a white horse when he wanted to get married. In India they have more than 400 mills around the country, so the sugar-mill engineers are very sharp over there and therefore highly appreciated over here! The Tongaat mill was the second mill established in South Africa, but is today the biggest producer in the country.

I also learned that there is more to sugar than just white or brown. Actually brown sugar is generally healthier, and contains more nutrition. In Tongaat Hulettes Sugar alone they produce about 300.000 tons of sugar in a good year… and about 30 different varieties. To make the white sugar they use chemicals, and in the process they wash (bleach) out much of the healthy nutrients.

Back in the days white sugar was considered much finer than the brown sugar. When people got visitors they used to hide the brown sugar and bring out the exclusive white sugar. Today, however it seem to have changed… and the brown sugar is found everywhere in the cafes and coffee shops. Brown sugar is in fashion.

The sugar cane normally requires 18months of growing to reach the full size and maximum capacity sugarwise. Today however, because of pressure in the industry, they cut the sugar after 12 months mostly so that the farmers can get their money back faster. The canes are therefore not as thick and nice as they used to be.

When the sugar production started in KwaZulu Natal in the 1860’s, the conditions were perfect for growing the canes. It is an understanding in the industry however that the ideal “belt” for growing canes has moved northwards to Mozambique and Kenya. Why? Because of global warming! The “belt” seems to have missed Zimbabwe though! Not because of global warming – but because of Bob. The land and the natural recourses was easy to steal and redistribute, but stealing the machinery to work the land was probably harder to justify.

Voyage of the genes, Feb 25th

I asked a question today that can be perceived as very stupid and naïve and yet not so stupid and naïve at the same time… but I drew some conclusions from the discussions that followed that I am very “chaffed” (satisfied) with, and that I assume (haha) can be nothing but 100% true. We were having lunch with Sammy (worked and lived many years in Switzerland) and another Indian couple. We discussed how my wife was perceived in the Norwegian workplace and in Norway in general, and automatically how the stereotypical Norwegian and Swiss person is compared to a South African (Indian South African first and foremost). They are quiet, shy and “blond”! Another view was that all the Indians in India were much quieter than the South African Indians. So my question was thus: “… is that a general thing for Indians in South Africa, are they more loud, aggressive and outspoken”?

Dangerous topic when you’re sitting among the presumably aggressive ones… but once in a while you just have to take a chance, right? Anyway, the Norwegians and the Swiss (cold parts of Europe) were already labelled shy and quiet, and the Indians in India more so than the South African Indians. So I easily derived… the Indians her in SA are descendants of the Indians that was brought by the colonial Brit’s from India to SA to grow sugarcane (indentured laborours). That’s a fact, no question about that! None of the Indians were forced to go though. And that’s a very important point. They had a choice! The Brit’s offered them to grow sugarcane in SA for five years with pay. After the five years of duty they could go back home (shipped for free), or they could get their own piece of land, where they could grow their own stuff to mix their masalas.

For a lot of people change is a scary thing. Crossing borders and oceans to get to an unknown and unexplored country definitely so! For those people SA was never considered. But a lot of people lived a very hard life in India… imagine starving and having to feed the cow first?! That’s when some people got fed up and weighed the opportunity heavier than the “alternative”. So they took the plunge, and went! Thousands of Indians went in the 1860’s (will try to find an approximate number in the history books). Out of the Indian population, these were of course the crazy ones, the brave, the adventurous, the loud and the aggressive ones from the lot. They jumped off the ship in Port Natal (Now Etekwini, changed from Durban) on the South African Coast and started breeding more of the same kind. Mixing brave with aggressive and a dash of lunacy to let the strong genes carry the new generations. The shy and quiet ones stayed behind and carried on with the inbreeding and mixing shy with scared and careful. It’s a simple explanation, really!
And then the ultimate example of course to confirm this theory… my own (but probably washed out Viking genes). Pretty much at the same time, people emigrated from Scandinavia to the promise land in America. What was most probably left of the aggressive Viking gene, all went “over there”. Now they are shouting and bellowing over there, pillaging and bossing around with other countries and making everybody scared and hate them to cause jihad and other funny things.