Shaka Zulu revisited

During Shaka Zulu’s reign, Mzilikazi fled north to escape Shaka Zulu’s violent rule. Mzilikazi, chief of the Ndwandwe tribe that was acquired and taken under the Zulu wings, decided to set up his own kingdom. With his remaining regiment and families he settled down in Matabeleland in todays Zimbabwe, where he became the King of the Matabele. Although out of reach for Shaka Zulu, they had to face other battles. The most recent one gave them reason to flee once again, away from their own country’s leader Robert Mugabe and back to South Africa.

The ironic part is that although not a major part, some of them came all the way back to the Zulu kingdom – KwaZulu Natal! Yet again, they are hunted by Zulu’s. Over the last couple of weeks, 50-60 people have been killed and thousands chased from their homes in the black townships throughout South Africa. It’s a small minority of the Zulu’s that are behind it, but people are talking about political motives. The Inkatha Freedom Party has been mentioned as the possible instigator. Perpetrators are singing “Umshini Vami” the ANC (African National Congress) freedom song (Meaning: “Give me my machine gun”) that was one of Jacob Zuma’s trademarks during the recent election. Whether it is Mangosutho Buthelezi (Inkatha) or Jacob Zuma (ANC), as well as Robert Mugabe… They are no better than Shaka Zulu for the Zimbabweans in South African exile! They run for their lives today like they did 200 years ago to escape the Zulu Impis. But where will you run now people of Matabeleland and Zimbabwe?!

Zulu traditions!

You know that famous quote from Caesar; “You too, Brutus my son?”, as he gets assassinated in Rome! The Romans thought they were smart when they invented the republic. The republic could never save Caesar though. It actually became his certain death! He should have killed the whole senate to stay safe... much like the zulu's!

The Zulu history is very interesting in that respect. They seemed to have found a solution to this problem. As a Zulu chief died, it was usually a big havoc and fighting amongst his legitimate and illegitimate children to take over the throne. The way to do it was of course to kill all your brothers. Nobody else could then inherit the throne, and nobody would dare question you. This worked remarkably well!

Shaka Zulu is considered the great Zulu Warrior King of all times. He was not very consistent with the Zulu traditions though. Out of his own choice it’s said that he never had children, as they could turn against you at any time. He had a point there, looking at what happened to Caesar. Historians claim this was rather a cover up of the fact that he was either gay or impotent (or both). He did kill his brother Sugujana to claim the throne in line with the tradition… just not his half brothers Dingaan and Mhlangana. The two brothers eventually stabbed Shaka Zulu to death, and Dingaan became the new king! Dingaan was very consistent with the Zulu tradition though. He killed not only his half brother, but anyone whose loyalties were in question!

At present, Goodwill Zwelithini is king of the Kingdom of KwaZulu-Natal. Apparently he has not wiped out all disloyal underlings in his kingdom in line with the tradition. Recently no less than 11 family members and chiefs have personally attacked Zwelithini (verbally only yet) and applied to be declared kings like Zwelithini. These 11 new candidates are loyal to Mangosuthu Buthelezi which is in opposition to the king. Buthelezi is also the king’s cousin, or “uncle” in Zulu kinship reckoning. How can this be possible in Zululand?! Where are all the assegais and knobkerries?! Can’t they just settle the matter in the old fashioned ways on some open field? Without strong Zulu traditions… what’s left really?!

Rewriting the history of KZN and SA!

I’m reading this book now, about Thugs in India… Thugs were people that belonged to a cult, and they were killing hundreds of thousands of travelers through a couple of centuries. This was around 1600 – 1800 approximately. The travelers were strangled and given to Kali (the Hindu god of destruction)…

The Brits were there in India at the time of course, and put an end to it around the 1830’s. But get real! India is a huge country… so did they really smoke out all the Thugs back then?? Of course the few remaining Thugs were squeezed up in a corner with a death sentence weighing down their shoulders… Then suddenly the Brits offer to ship people to South Africa to grow sugar canes! What a bloody marvelous opportunity?! Of all the people in India – who do you think were the first to jump onboard?? That’s right, the Thugs!

I’m updating history here… a well hidden secret! The tiny little and meager looking Indians that came ashore here in South Africa were not just harmless farmers like they appeared to be. Ruthless killers of the first degree they were! Very happily they worked in silence on the coast of Natal… This was of course much better than being hung or decapitated by the East India Company, so they kept quiet and to themselves for a while... but for how long can you tame the beast – only for SO long!

South Africa at this time had also a rugged history with lots of fighting between the tribes… and fighting for their share of the trade in Delagoa Bay (Maputo). It was around this time that Shaka Zulu had just tidied up in the chaos of tribes… killed and annihilated some and chased the rest into the desert and other not so fertile grounds.The South Africans at the time were used to fights and killings in other words… and to find a few corpses here and there was not such a big deal. Very convenient for the Thugs, wasn’t it. They could pick up their work again and please Kali like never before! When you see Kali pictured with her sickl and the heads of her victims… there is a huge difference between the Indian and the South African pictures you must know. The decapitated bodies, or just heads, around her feet are always more numerable in the South African pictures! Kali had her days of glory in KZN, that’s for sure, and for a long time she was actually contemplating to immigrate to the sugar fields at this point in time.

On a few occasions, when the Thugs were caught almost red handed, they conveniently blamed it on the Zulu’s. Nobody had any problem believing this of course, and the Zulus got a much more ferocious reputation than they deserved because of this. This reputation in turn made it easier for the Zulus to expand… The reputation preceded them so that they could grow strong, and they didn’t even know that they had the Thugs from India and Kali to thank for it!

Although Kali never made it onboard any of the ships over to South Africa, the Thugs could continue to slaughter travelers and please Kali. History made it easy for the Thugs to work quietly behind the scene… and the killings has become just a natural thing and part of South African culture. Then the whites developed something called Apartheid. Yet again, this was very convenient for the Thugs. Racial discrimination and killings… and yet another alibi! Still now in the wake of Apartheid… 13 years after, the crime statistics and killings in South Africa are unmatched worldwide! Still people find ways to explain it… racial discrimination, inequality, uneven distribution of wealth… whilst all this time we are all just covering up for the Thugs! Nobody even talks about Thugs any more… if they ever knew what a Thug was in South Africa. I am really impressed with these master criminals and murderers! At least now they can get their well deserved honor and fame, like a distinction for well executed Thugee service!

I am very pleased with my findings… always a pleasure to reveal historical gems like this… really my kind of treasure hunt! I’m sure people will remember me as a great contributor to the written history on this field. If not already recognized during my life time, then no doubt they will dig properly into it and put me on a pedestal like any other important person once I’m dead. Hulette Sugar Ltd. will give me a big sweet prize for this! But hold on a bit! If that was the Thugs onboard the ships back then… it means that I am also married into a family of bona fide Thugs, doesn’t it?! Their level of discretion is unbelievable… right there under your own nose they operate! I should check the freezer for body parts… but worse even; am I safe??!! As an expat I can be categorized as a traveler, which used to be the traditional and main target for the Thugs. These unscrupulous bastards marry their victims also now, to cover up for their acts. I have to get out of this whilst I still can… not only for my own life, but to secure this important piece of history for mankind… against Thug-kind!

Umkomaas /Mkomaasi River

According to the history King Shaka Zulu came home from a long travel with his Impis. They must have fought a juicy battle somewhere… why else would you travel with a whole platoon (Impi) of feared warriors. As they were passing the outlet of the river they saw lots of juvenile humpback whales breaching in the surface. They were so fascinated and watched it for quite some time. Shaka then gave the river the name Umkomaas, which means something like: “The river where the cow whales breach”.

More suiting the last few days than ever I'm sure with the giant waves (5-9m high!) that have "stricken" the Durban coast lately. I bet the whales have been washed far up the river... or on the beach...

Shaka Zulu, Holy Olav, Caesar… and Bob???

When Øyvind was here and we were down in KZN (KwaZulu Natal) I was giving him some of my own knowledge about the Zulu history. When Shaka Zulu came up in conversation I recall comparing him with Harald Hårfagre. Harald Hårfagre gathered the whole of Norway under the rule of one king. He traveled the country and recruited the chiefs around and fought the ones that resisted. Pretty much the same as Shaka Zulu did as far as I’ve heard.

Shaka was very persuasive in his recruitment… join me or die. I guess it’s the only way to do it… When Holy Olav (another great Norwegian Viking king, Olav den Hellige) came home to Norway after a raid… and a crusade, he was a converted Christian. Very excited about his new belief, he now wanted the whole of Norway to convert as well. It was very easy! Olav traveled around the country and gave the heathens two options. Convert or lose your head. Soon the whole of Norway was fanatic Christians. “God” had conquered Norway and replaced Thor with the hammer and all the other gods in the trees and rocks. I don’t know how big a role religious beliefs or spiritual stuff influenced Shakas cruelties though. Maybe his personal Sangoma made him take out a competing Sangomas tribe or something like that. In a case of hard resistance I’m sure Shaka had some gutting to do after the preceding stabbing and killing. Beautiful Killing!

I have to get my Norwegian history straight here, coz I’m mixing and confusing the kings here… although I know quite a few were taken out by some close and trusted people. Shaka Zulu was so hard against his own people that he turned some of them away and against himself. His half brother killed him in a big plot. Pretty much like Caesar: “… you my son Brutus”! It’s like copy and paste, same story all over the place, wherever you turn!

I’m looking at a map of KwaZulu Natal here, showing all the known mission stations in the area. Amazingly there were quite a few Norwegian mission stations in the heart of Zululand… in the area in and around Hluhluwe where Øyvind and I were driving around. Maybe these were descendants from Holy Olavs disciples? And not maybe, but quite likely they had a discussion with Shaka over a clay pot of local beer… giving Shaka insight in the successful Viking way. Wow, I’m overwhelmed with my own facts and findings here! And people say the world is small today…?!

If the world really did “shrink” a lot since then… and my “copy-paste theory” still applies, then Bobs (Robert Mugabe’s) relatives are terribly overdue in this end of the world! Maybe there is light in the end of the tunnel after all… coz Tsvangirai sure didn’t convert to Mugabeism and he is not decapitated yet! Maybe ignoring history will be his end?!

The place of the beautiful killing

Bulawayo, or originally GuBulawayo by the Matabele/Ndebele. The name meaning, the place of the (beautiful) killing! It was historically a battle between the local Matabele and the white man… No need to tell how that went – beautiful as it was! Bloody story!! This was I believe under chief Lobengulas rule! Great respect for that man!!

Makes me think about one of the Voortrekker groups that moved into the North West… wonder if that wasn’t Matabeleland also? This particular group was led by a guy called Van Rensburg. Ok, according to the map it was not the Matabeleland, but in what is now part of Mocambique (just north of Inhambane). Van Rensburg made a route along the Limpopo river, but the trek ended abruptly in 1838 when all of them were killed. This is where assumptions supersede the facts… and my imagination takes over. But who knows, history is some times a lot juicier than imagination, fantasy and fiction altogether. The guys that Van Rensburg ran into was probably potent killers like the Matabele as well… and I just wonder what name they put on this battlefield… or place of slaughter if you may. I’d die to know the name of that place… graphic and descriptive… If forgotten it deserves a proper name..

And even better still. Lobengula and his men had great respect for great warriors, even enemy ones! A great enemy warrior would be killed and molested like the rest of the bunch… but as a salute they would slit open the guys belly so all the intestines could fall out and attract scavengers. Intestines can reach quite impressive lengths I understand, coz in battlefields you would some times find intestines still attached to the body… but quite far away from it! I knew there was a reason I never chose a military career.