Muti on Medical Aid!

Lately we’ve had a lot of shit coming our way, robbery, fraud and false allegations against us, that has basically given us a hard time. Whilst some people experience bloggers droop, blogstipation or whatever you wish to call it, this has been an incredible source of inspiration for me. It’s all negative shit though, and this blog will soon drown in it if it carries on! I’m starting to sound more like a right extremist than a gullible blond Scandinavian. I don’t like myself when I read this stuff. I can’t seem to see the dense African jungle for all the tsotsis, hijackers and white/blue collar criminals. Thus there is only more shit coming... like the old quality and production principle; “Shit in – Shit out”! So I’ve thought about it for some time and decided to abandon this blog for a while... awaiting some positive vibes!!

Yes, I planned seriously to boycott my own blog and stay away in order to limit the amount of negativity. As much as it can be therapy, you can paint a pretty dark and ugly picture of yourself as well. But what do you know... before I managed to get the temporary “bloggers exile” typed and announced, the tsotsis returned and broke in again, but next door this time.

As if that’s not enough, the newspapers could report yesterday that the medical aids are ready to take on healers?! We’ve got healers in Norway. It’s an alternative group of practitioners including conartists, supernatural mumbo jumbo and a few honest “herbalists”. Only a few gullible people believe in it... In Africa however, things are different! TIA - mind you! Healer is for the most part a cover up for the actual witchdoctor or Sangoma title. 190.000 quacks will now receive funding from medical aids and can therefore expect a further increase in clients. Soon the universities will have to open up Bachelor of Witchcraft studies and probably Sangoma Phd’s to cover the demand for healers as this is now becoming even more affordable and accepted. Along the way you must of course also expect an increased demand for human organ muti and thus muti killings. Muti = Magical medicine! There is a difference between a healer and a Sangoma you say? Which Sangoma will tell you about his illegal activities and not try to be accepted by medical aids?!

I read recently that the muti victim’s bodies are opened and the organs removed whilst the victim is still alive. The more the victim screams – the stronger the muti. Virgins and uncorrupted souls also makes stronger and more powerful muti, so the victims are usually kids! A famous South African Sangoma, Khekhekhe, holds an annual Sangoma convention with dancing and rituals. He apparently drinks snake venom of the worst sorts to make the show worthwhile... and invite small tourist groups to earn some extra money from it. Now the whole industry will be fed by insurance companies with the governments blessing?! TIA!!

This smells of a certain Beetroot & garlic minister from afar! The Beetroot minister is employed and protected by Thabo Mbeki himself, a president accused of not remembering his origins and traditions. Jacob Zuma is sailing up as a likely successor. He is very much in touch with the traditional ways. Most probably, he is backed by 190.000 “healers”, their patients and potential patients!

How does this affect me you may ask?! Well, I must obviously expect an increase in overly brave tsotsis blessed by Sangomas in this already terrorised and infested neighbourhood! I’ve got kids that are obvious muti targets. They can be unbelievably loud at times and thus make super strong muti. If I stay on in South Africa, pay my tax and medical aid, I will directly or indirectly contribute and fund this whole insanity! We have return tickets to Norway in April – I wonder if we should just call it quits and move back by then?!

Black Economic Empowerment or blue elephants?

I am not heaven sent from Norway! Beaverboosh grounded me (and Norway) nicely yesterday. I do have some issues with the BEE (Black Economic Empowerment) in South Africa though. That does not mean that I don’t understand… coz I do know the history, and this should not label me as a racist either I believe.

First of all, how can you use racial distinction to create a non-racial society? That’s what BEE is all about, isn’t it… racial distinction? It sounds like a huge paradox that the leaders of this country have chosen. The leadership of a country should be smart guys, so you must trust them to make a good choice. They chose evolution over revolution, and it was pretty admirable to avoid a civil war in my view. BEE is a way to level out the differences in the society! The South African rugbyteam (Springboks, who won the world cup short time ago) is bringing in racial quotas now… and people are worried that this will tackle “Bokke”. It’s a parallel approach the way I see it. I understand and agree with the reasons, but wonder if they haven't made a hurried shortcut?

I see members of the BEE club stuffing each others pockets. People in the informal settlements around, Thembisa and Diepsloot, does not benefit much. They have no ways/ability to capture any governmental BEE funding. It’s the same guys all the time… Bring forward the masses rather than the few already stinking rich guys.Companies hiring ask for AA (Affirmative Action) candidates which means pretty much anything but white. Actually darker the better… in recruitment they call it “pigment premium”! No kidding – it is very real! Darker skin gets better pay. No wonder I’m working on my tan… I should actually skip all that sunscreen nonsense! No pain, no gain, right?! My objection is that it is not always the best qualified candidate that gets the job (at least that is my impression)!

I know the previously disadvantaged did not have the same access to education… so that should be a very important approach. Just do it right! Stories about students getting better grades because of skin color flourish. The other day I overheard a teacher/lecturer talking on the phone; “I have some other AA students that I have to re-evaluate. This is an AA student, right? What mark did he get? Ok, send it over and I will look into it!” It was reminding me of a story from a university in Norway:

An overambitious student had taken an extra subject one semester, but realized that he did not have the capacity to study enough. However, he went to do the exams. He didn’t have the foggiest idea about what they asked for… but had to sit for 2 hours before he could leave, as that’s the rules. This time he spent drawing a big blue elephant, then left! The teacher was quite amused, could not pass him but gave him a 4.1 (1 best – 6 poorest and 4.0 is the last passing grade). It was the best mark he could give without passing the student. Due to a low average result on this exam, they moved all the students up to get a “normal curve”. Thus, the student passed with his blue elephant!My point is that by racial distinction and no other qualitative measure; you might end up with many “blue elephants” passing!

On a trip to Mocambique earlier this year we stopped at the Jozini Dam. Some boys where selling amethyst rocks in the middle of school hours. He was embarrassed when I asked if he didn’t go to school. Whether it was his own choice or the parents’ choice, I don’t know, but money was preferred.

I believe that school should be mandatory, like it probably is also, but forced through to a greater extent. The quality of the schools should probably also be emphasized. Provide a social structure that can allow this and make it economically viable for families. It will take time, but at least the results will come with better quality.

Do whatever it takes to force those kids to school. My father told me he “forced” me to start playing organized football. I can’t recall being forced in any negative way, but actually enjoyed playing… and thankful for it today! If the parents can’t see the benefit… then go to Mandela, Zulu King Goodwill Zwelethini or/and get the local Sangomas on board so that they can preach the necessity even in the rural areas! Sangomas have been used to fight AIDS – so why not for the sake of BEE?! It would probably enlighten people enough to end the Sangoma traditions… let’s just hope that the Sangomas are not bright and foresighted enough to understand!

In turn, hopefully (and I truly believe) you would get a system where candidates get chosen based on their merits and nothing else. What if only the best qualified students was funneled up into higher education… and you couldn’t just buy your degree?! Provide some scholarships in this transitional period… but give the best students a chance! Take myself as an example: I was nowhere near good enough to go into Medical School. I studied economy/marketing because that was my interest among the studies that I was qualified for. I sharpened up, matured and came out fine I believe. One year later, and I wouldn’t have qualified for the same school either, so I was lucky! Tough, but that’s life!

Beware of the blue elephants and put more focus on education… I guess that’s all I wanted to say!!

Shaka Zulu, Holy Olav, Caesar… and Bob???

When Øyvind was here and we were down in KZN (KwaZulu Natal) I was giving him some of my own knowledge about the Zulu history. When Shaka Zulu came up in conversation I recall comparing him with Harald Hårfagre. Harald Hårfagre gathered the whole of Norway under the rule of one king. He traveled the country and recruited the chiefs around and fought the ones that resisted. Pretty much the same as Shaka Zulu did as far as I’ve heard.

Shaka was very persuasive in his recruitment… join me or die. I guess it’s the only way to do it… When Holy Olav (another great Norwegian Viking king, Olav den Hellige) came home to Norway after a raid… and a crusade, he was a converted Christian. Very excited about his new belief, he now wanted the whole of Norway to convert as well. It was very easy! Olav traveled around the country and gave the heathens two options. Convert or lose your head. Soon the whole of Norway was fanatic Christians. “God” had conquered Norway and replaced Thor with the hammer and all the other gods in the trees and rocks. I don’t know how big a role religious beliefs or spiritual stuff influenced Shakas cruelties though. Maybe his personal Sangoma made him take out a competing Sangomas tribe or something like that. In a case of hard resistance I’m sure Shaka had some gutting to do after the preceding stabbing and killing. Beautiful Killing!

I have to get my Norwegian history straight here, coz I’m mixing and confusing the kings here… although I know quite a few were taken out by some close and trusted people. Shaka Zulu was so hard against his own people that he turned some of them away and against himself. His half brother killed him in a big plot. Pretty much like Caesar: “… you my son Brutus”! It’s like copy and paste, same story all over the place, wherever you turn!

I’m looking at a map of KwaZulu Natal here, showing all the known mission stations in the area. Amazingly there were quite a few Norwegian mission stations in the heart of Zululand… in the area in and around Hluhluwe where Øyvind and I were driving around. Maybe these were descendants from Holy Olavs disciples? And not maybe, but quite likely they had a discussion with Shaka over a clay pot of local beer… giving Shaka insight in the successful Viking way. Wow, I’m overwhelmed with my own facts and findings here! And people say the world is small today…?!

If the world really did “shrink” a lot since then… and my “copy-paste theory” still applies, then Bobs (Robert Mugabe’s) relatives are terribly overdue in this end of the world! Maybe there is light in the end of the tunnel after all… coz Tsvangirai sure didn’t convert to Mugabeism and he is not decapitated yet! Maybe ignoring history will be his end?!

Sangomas and muti... more superstition!

A sangoma is a witchdoctor. The sangoma is a highly respected guy, and if he can’t help you then nothing can. At least that’s what a lot of people still believe in South Africa. Once my wife's old maid got sick it was not even an option to go to a normal doctor, only the sangoma could help! It is easy to judge all sangomas as quacks, but I’m sure they have some tricks up their sleeves that can actually help. Maybe they’ve got some herbal stuff that can ease a cold and some other lightweight things. Help them once with a sore throat, and they believe you can cure everything… then you can start milking the cow. Sangomas are rich! Very rich!!

I see a parallel between the sangomas and the gurus in India… they are incredibly wealthy. A friends parents once knew a guru in India and had close contact with him. He died, but they kept contact with his family and got invited to stay with them in India whilst they were on vacation. Coming there they were brought into the slum areas, and they were already regretting that they accepted the invitation. However when the shabby looking gate opened, a whole different world was revealed. The ground outside the house was marbled, and the house was a pure luxury resort! No need to tell, they enjoyed the stay immensely. The gurus are incredibly wealthy, like the sangomas. The only catch for both of them is that they have to stay in the poor areas… coz that’s where they got the support and can accumulate their wealth. Small sacrifice.

Sangomas can some times prescribe you some really weird stuff. The best example is the health minister of South Africa. Although not titled a sangoma, she is in the same line of profession and a “sangoma wannabe”, and in the very sangoma elite! AIDS apparently is an easy fix! You just have to put some extra beetroot and garlic into your diet, that’s it!! The good thing about this prescribed medicine is first of all that it is natural with no synthetic additives. Second you can get it in all the grocery stores around, and some people might even find it in their own back yard. Third, and the best part: the prescription was given blank through the media to every naughty guy around and in dire need for exactly that medicine… and you pay nothing for the prescription!! What the hell are people paying millions upon millions in AIDS research for?!

AIDS is a big deal here in South Africa! Where you find high numbers of HIV positives or AIDS victims, you will also find a high consentration of Sangomas. Naturally the Sangomas are getting very experienced and very good in these particular areas. When you do a lot of research within a field, then the remedy will eventually be discovered by some smart guy. It’s like: "search and you will find…"! No harder than that really. And, all roads lead to Rome… and the paths to the cure of AIDS did indeed go different ways. If you do experience some distress because of AIDS you can simply find yourself a young virgin girl and rape her. This prescription is of course mainly targeted at men. A pure virgin will cleans you and drain the AIDS from your body very efficiently, and it’s not a terribly unpleasant medical treatment. This is a broadly used and accepted prescription among top Sangomas and can thus be called the highway…

Then you got the more every day kinda medicine – muti! Muti means “magical medicine”. I've been very lucky to observe part of the early production process of muti. It started a few days before, when a young humpback whale got squeezed out from the family pack and killed by tigersharks. The carcass of the whale was washed ashore in Sodwana Bay where I was diving at the time. For a few days the carcass was lying there for scavengers and germs to do its worst under the stinking hot sun. The smell alone was an unforgettable experience. The stench alerted the lokal village and Sangoma about the newly arrived raw material. The Sangoma immediately sent out his assistants to collect the "gold". A whole village of people were cutting out chunks of fat and grease and meat. They were using bags and baskets, or in true African style balancing the chunks on the head with slimy stuff dripping all over. The villagers were of cause motivated as this would eventually become life saving muti for their family and friends.

My wife told me how the ultimate “raw materials” are collected. When she was a young school kid two kids disappeared on the way home from school. The two boys were found in the woods a couple of days later with all their vital organs removed from their bodies. This was a typical muti-kill. To serve the masses you must be ready to sacrifice a few, that is always a leader's dilemma... or a Sangoma's!

Hluhluwe backpackers

Hluhluwe Backpackers is run by David and Tina Davies. David is a boer guy and Tina is from Germany. Both of them do game drives in Hluhluwe and Umfolozi and are very passionate about their work. For three years now they have run the place, situated very nicely in the heart of Zululand and at the very doorstep of the game reserve.

David used to be a manager for another lodge in the area, but he was playing with the thought of having his own place. Every day he used to drive past this house, but back then it was only walls, and no roof. After some research he found out that it was the local Zulu chief that owned the property. David paid the chief a visit and brought a bottle of whiskey to start the negotiations. They made an agreement, and David could start building his own backpackers as he had dreamt about.

The walls inside the house were completely covered with anthills, so the first thing they had to do was clean the place out properly. They hired some Zulu guys for R10 per day (probably subsidised by the Zulu chief) and got the job done. Then they built the place up and created the charming atmosphere you experience there today. But before they could open up, the chief and the local Sangoma (witchdoctor) had to hold a ceremony and bless the place. Hluhluwe Backpackers is therefore today holy ground for the Zulus. No Zulu will dare to enter that property, and it is probably one of the safest places to be in the whole of Zululand, maybe South Africa.

Superstitions

Tokoloshe: (South African voodoo)
The Tokoloshe is a small “man or humanlike figure” the size of approximately 25cm, a figure that is said to haunt people. If you’re in a conflict with somebody, you can go to a Sangoma and get him to send a Tokoloshe to “sort them out”. The Tokoloshe can conveniently only be seen by the person that it is supposed to haunt. A typical thing that a Tokoloshe would do to you is set your bed or the curtains on fire. Another example was a young and terribly overweight schoolkid in rural India… on his way to the outdoor toilet late at night he was kicked up in the air landing on the roof of the toilet, presumably by the Tokoloshe, and could not get down. He was found the next morning on the roof and had to be helped down. However, a Tokoloshe is not invincible. If you manage to fight it and get a hair straw from its head, you’re supposed to have power and control over the Tokoloshe, and thus you must take very good care of it!!

The witchdoctors that have the ability to send a Tokoloshe are powerful and extremely rich people. Exactly how they do their tricks are secret of course, and an incredible amount of mumbo jumbo quackery (well, I must admit that that is just one of my assumptions again, so beware). In true researcher terms… this subject should be more thoroughly researched and documented. Probably only to find lizard tongues, frogslime and snake venom and the works.

Another typical Tokoloshe defence measure is to put bricks under the bedposts so that it elevates the bed... Maybe the Tokoloshe can't reach up or something... so dangerous but small enough to be outmanouvered like that?! Yeah right!!

Hedgehogs are becoming scarce in South Africa I've heard. People are hunting them down to put the skin on the front door. The pins will apparently hurt and injure the Tokoloshe when it knocks on your door. Such a scary little guy, but polite enough to knock on the door before he starts his business? As if that's not enough, he/she is stupid enough to knock on the Hedgehog pins?! Blind also?? Sorry, I'm loosing all respect for Tokoloshe's.


Highway Sheila:
Sheila was knocked down and killed on the road by a car. She did not want to leave this world yet, so she decided to stay in a ghostlike form I assume. I can imagine she was pretty pissed (although not alive) about being ploughed down on the road like that, and that this is the reason she sticks around. Sheila is now patrolling the roads in the area where she was knocked down (and that happens to be on the coastline not too far from where my parents in law live), so that she can haunt the drivers on the same stretch. Maybe she gets some feeling of revenge from it. When she was killed or for how long she will continue haunting people nobody knows. Personally I must have passed the place plenty of times driving back and forth, but not had the pleasure of meeting Sheila. Indren, my bru in law however, claims he once saw a woman’s face in the side window late at night. He believes it was Highway Sheila, and it obviously gave him the creeps. I support him of course… and I’m today a true believer in Sheila!