Go to Hell! Sure, but where?

As a kid in Norway we used the expression “Go where the pepper grows”, meaning to the place where pepper grow (Norwegian; “Dra dit pepper’n gror!”)! This was a junior version of “Go to hell”, and one of the worst things we could throw at each other. For years I’ve been wondering why this was such a cruel thing to say? Even more so, where does pepper grow?!Firstly, nobody had any clue where this was; just that it was a very bad place! Norwegians had probably just acquired pepper and salt for cooking, and this was as adventurous as one could be in the kitchen back then. Pepper probably arrived on the same ship as the coffee beans . All we knew was that pepper was not grown in any of the nearby countries (Denmark and Sweden). That was as far as our imagination or horizon could reach. No doubt, pepper was from a place very far away!

Far away, for the purpose of sending somebody away could be good enough! If you could send this annoying person there, you should expect not to see him/her again for quite some time. Naturally though, since these orders were usually given during a fight, the bastard was not overly obedient or compelled to do so! My mindpower was under-developed at the time, so I never succeeded. It was safe to say that the moron had no clue where to head either. Pepper was not marked on any map! In fact, both parties where blissfully ignorant and unaware of the pepper’s origin or its geographical location. Why send somebody to a place you don’t know, and haven’t even confirmed as being a bad place either? It could be paradise, and far from serving your intention… There had to be some other explanation! Pepper is hot, and must come from a hot place! Hot is for some reason perceived as bad. Hell is hot (like Hell) – alas “Burn in Hell"! Hell is bad, so hot must also be bad! Any accounts of purgatory, before you even get to Hell, will tell you that it’s hot. Anything hotter than the beach in Spain (favorite holiday/roasting destination for Scandinavians) is pain and a bad place to be, no doubt! But how could we know that pepper came from a hot place? Tales from the seamen could of course have been told, retold and finally reached our ears, but not very likely. One look at the whole pepper corns can tell that they’ve been in a hot place. Roasted like straight out of Hell!

Surely we had tasted pepper, but spared of any bad burn. What the hell did we know about ring-sting?! This was of course long before chillies and jalapenos could reach us! Jalapenos and chillies are grown in hot places too, Mexico and many places around the world as far as I know. Although much hotter than pepper, we were totally oblivious of any of these chilli and jalapeno growing places. Pepper was as hot as it could knowingly get! The pepper growing area out there somewhere was the worst place imaginable. Up until recently I had no clue where to send my enemies though! A family member that lives in India came to visit short time ago. For some unknown reason she mentioned that they grow pepper there. A lifelong mystery for me was cleared up quite unexpectedly! Kerala in India to be exact! It’s probably not the only place in India or elsewhere, but at least now I have some clue where pepper is grown.

For a couple of years, we’ve been talking about going to India. Even with a long holiday, you can’t do the whole of India, but Kerala was one of our marked destinations. Without knowing it I had planned my future holiday at a place where I’ve previously wished only my worst childhood enemies! True, India had Thugs, but they don’t cause Hell anymore. How ironic?! All the Hell’s on earth that I know about and that I’ve come across are actually not bad at all! They are actually nice places and definitely not cursing material!!

However! "What happens in Hell, stays in Hell". What goes to Hell or grow there also for that matter, am I right?! As far as I know, the ticket to Hell is one way only! …and since pepper grows in India, there must be Hell on earth. Either that, or earth is in Hell. So whether I tell people to go to Hell or to the place where pepper grows, they will not be any worse off than myself! I might as well send them to Bermuda! Damn – swearing people kinda lost its sting now! Bloody useless!!

In my garden you will find chillies thriving alongside lizards and scorpions! The summers here (Pretoria, South Africa) can be hot like hell. With the recent xenophobia incidents, this is probably closer to Hell than any named Hell you will find on earth. I live here!! Somebody else’s mind power must be quite strong!

I quite like it here
Lucifer

PS! "In Rome - do like the Romans do"! When in Hell...???

Rewriting the history of KZN and SA!

I’m reading this book now, about Thugs in India… Thugs were people that belonged to a cult, and they were killing hundreds of thousands of travelers through a couple of centuries. This was around 1600 – 1800 approximately. The travelers were strangled and given to Kali (the Hindu god of destruction)…

The Brits were there in India at the time of course, and put an end to it around the 1830’s. But get real! India is a huge country… so did they really smoke out all the Thugs back then?? Of course the few remaining Thugs were squeezed up in a corner with a death sentence weighing down their shoulders… Then suddenly the Brits offer to ship people to South Africa to grow sugar canes! What a bloody marvelous opportunity?! Of all the people in India – who do you think were the first to jump onboard?? That’s right, the Thugs!

I’m updating history here… a well hidden secret! The tiny little and meager looking Indians that came ashore here in South Africa were not just harmless farmers like they appeared to be. Ruthless killers of the first degree they were! Very happily they worked in silence on the coast of Natal… This was of course much better than being hung or decapitated by the East India Company, so they kept quiet and to themselves for a while... but for how long can you tame the beast – only for SO long!

South Africa at this time had also a rugged history with lots of fighting between the tribes… and fighting for their share of the trade in Delagoa Bay (Maputo). It was around this time that Shaka Zulu had just tidied up in the chaos of tribes… killed and annihilated some and chased the rest into the desert and other not so fertile grounds.The South Africans at the time were used to fights and killings in other words… and to find a few corpses here and there was not such a big deal. Very convenient for the Thugs, wasn’t it. They could pick up their work again and please Kali like never before! When you see Kali pictured with her sickl and the heads of her victims… there is a huge difference between the Indian and the South African pictures you must know. The decapitated bodies, or just heads, around her feet are always more numerable in the South African pictures! Kali had her days of glory in KZN, that’s for sure, and for a long time she was actually contemplating to immigrate to the sugar fields at this point in time.

On a few occasions, when the Thugs were caught almost red handed, they conveniently blamed it on the Zulu’s. Nobody had any problem believing this of course, and the Zulus got a much more ferocious reputation than they deserved because of this. This reputation in turn made it easier for the Zulus to expand… The reputation preceded them so that they could grow strong, and they didn’t even know that they had the Thugs from India and Kali to thank for it!

Although Kali never made it onboard any of the ships over to South Africa, the Thugs could continue to slaughter travelers and please Kali. History made it easy for the Thugs to work quietly behind the scene… and the killings has become just a natural thing and part of South African culture. Then the whites developed something called Apartheid. Yet again, this was very convenient for the Thugs. Racial discrimination and killings… and yet another alibi! Still now in the wake of Apartheid… 13 years after, the crime statistics and killings in South Africa are unmatched worldwide! Still people find ways to explain it… racial discrimination, inequality, uneven distribution of wealth… whilst all this time we are all just covering up for the Thugs! Nobody even talks about Thugs any more… if they ever knew what a Thug was in South Africa. I am really impressed with these master criminals and murderers! At least now they can get their well deserved honor and fame, like a distinction for well executed Thugee service!

I am very pleased with my findings… always a pleasure to reveal historical gems like this… really my kind of treasure hunt! I’m sure people will remember me as a great contributor to the written history on this field. If not already recognized during my life time, then no doubt they will dig properly into it and put me on a pedestal like any other important person once I’m dead. Hulette Sugar Ltd. will give me a big sweet prize for this! But hold on a bit! If that was the Thugs onboard the ships back then… it means that I am also married into a family of bona fide Thugs, doesn’t it?! Their level of discretion is unbelievable… right there under your own nose they operate! I should check the freezer for body parts… but worse even; am I safe??!! As an expat I can be categorized as a traveler, which used to be the traditional and main target for the Thugs. These unscrupulous bastards marry their victims also now, to cover up for their acts. I have to get out of this whilst I still can… not only for my own life, but to secure this important piece of history for mankind… against Thug-kind!

Satanic verses

Ok, I’m finally fulfilling my pre-kavady resolution here… and put some flesh to the bone on the Kavady information pool. Kavady is not just Kavady! You’ve got the one back in jan/feb, the one that got lost in assumptions, which is actually called the Thai Poosam Kavady or just Thaipusam. Thaipusam is celebrated in the Tamil month of Thai (Jan/Feb) on the full moon day when the constellation “Pusam” is on the ascend. In effect they’ve got some astronomers telling them when the “Pusam” is right, and then they are waiting for one hell of a full moon party!

I wonder if the Pusam thing and the “earth, moon & sun” alignment ever coincide? That must be a rare occasion - damn rare I’m sure! With all that gravitational pull it would pretty much be a reversing of Ascension Day. Imagine, Jesus being pulled back from heaven… trying to hold on up there somewhere… Oh no, sorry! Got a bit carried away there. Taipusam is dedicated to Murugan of course… not any of my fanatical Christian beliefs! I don’t think Murugan did any major leap like Jesus though – not any that I know of at least, so 1-0 to Jesus there.

Research about this Murugan fellow has been a frustrating hunt. It’s like the name suddenly disappears in the middle of the text and you think you’re reading about some other guy… But the simple truth is that, he was so much loved and was called by so many different names… thereof (the one and true origin!) the expression “Loved ones have many names”. Murugan or Muruga (that one was easy to figure out) had some more far fetched names also, like Kartikeyan, Kumaran, Shanmukha, Skanda and Subramanian. No wonder I got confused only a few lines down in the Koran!! Any way, Murugan is the God of war and the patron deity of the Tamil land. That makes me wonder why all the Indians left India in the 1860’s to come here to sugar sweet South Africa, when they had such a good protector there at home? Was it only the sweet tooth??

The whole idea of Kavady actually made so much sense to me in my Christian mind-frame. It’s like Jesus on the cross, when he took all the blame and all the suffering on behalf of all of us sinners. Now Thaipusan Kavady is sort of a light-version where any ding-dong guy can take a load off the neighbor’s shoulders… But no again! The carrying of Kavady symbolizes the carrying of one’s burden and then resting it at the feet of the Lord. So Kavady IS a kind of burden, but there are some great benefits of dedicating your Kavady to Murugan instead of Jesus. Murugan stretches quite far and he actually promise you that the benefits of your offering (a piercing and a vow – big deal!) will be a million fold greater than the self inflicted pain. Wow – who wouldn’t want that? Even the smallest offering would become a decent reward!

Imagine if my forefathers back in Norway had the choice between Jesus and Murugan! Holy Olav would surely threaten to decapitate you by the slightest sign of hesitation… But Murugan is the God of War, and could surely protect his fans! To make the choice easier I think they should use the old Viking tradition of “Holmgang”. You basically put the disputants, Jesus and Murugan, on an island where they can fight until one is dead. Then you don’t have to worry so much about the dead and apparently much weaker god. The surviving party, according to the tradition, was always the one that was right in the dispute… so this should ensure a good choice for my forefathers in the end! But Jesus was such a pacifist so I’m sure Holy Olav would take his place on the island. That’s 1 for Murugan and draw 1-1 so far since Jesus was such a coward. At least then people could watch the match and feel safe that they chose the right god… But wow, that fight would really have been something, huh? I know it’s hard to predict or even imagine the outcome of this fight… But they did it on Discovery Channel, when they put shark against crocodile and other predators also up against each other. They could simply make a dummy of Holy Olav and Murugan… then feed the computers with Olav’s sword fighting skills and Murugan’s war-god abilities… and voila – the fight is on! I wonder what the bookmakers odds would have been back in the days? People placing their bets would probably hope for Murugan with the unimaginable million fold riches as well as from the bookmaker! Yes, all the money would probably go that way anyway… The best thing would be to plead allegiance with Holy Olav (secure your head) and bet for Murugan, and hope that Olav will never find out…

Back to the Kavady rite! You’re supposed to do this out of love of course. These days though, people are shallower and many do it more out of fear than the love… People do it to avoid a great calamity in the family and such things. It’s insurance basically. You’ve got Kavady and Sanlam and the rest. So it’s the same motivation whatever you choose really… beg to keep your head! Wrong again… Murugan has so much more to offer. When you offer the kavady you get so intoxicated with the love of God that your inner spiritual chamber is open. Now you will eventually reach “Para Bhakti” – supreme devotion! Para Bhakti is good for YOU – not just Murugan’s poll! For the Stensby clan though I think a draw, 1-1, would suit us well! Neutral is good!

Almost forgot… the Kavady can be a thick balancing stick held over your shoulders. In either end of the stick the Kavady holds milk or honey that they later on, once inside the temple, pour over the statue of Murugan. This is a mild (chicken!) Kavady. It is believed that the more effort and hardship applied when carrying the Kavady, the more benevolent Lord Murugan will be towards fulfilling his devotee’s needs. That’s why some of the Kavady bearers do it as a sadhana! These guys are the ones that perform the juicy and weird stuff that you really want to see! Sadhana means that they impose various sorts of self torture upon themselves. Not like pinching themselves… but much more inventive stuff. Some brighties shove a sharp Vel through their tongue or cheeks… and it is made so that it protrudes out of the mouth. This will of course prevent him from speaking. It is believed to give great power of endurance and remembrance of God. It is easy to see that the excruciating pain can make you hallucinate and easily be misinterpreted as the intoxicating love… Anybody with a slightest bit of sanity (still with a strong belief though) left would then beg fanatically to reach Para Bhakti and some relief from the pain.

Another cool thing that can be seen during Kavady is the pulling of Rath, or beautifully decorated carts, through the streets. These guys must be the elite of penitents, as they pierce their flesh with hooks and strings in order to pull the cart. Obviously an instant Para Bhakti activity – just imagine what kind of cruelties those guys must have done… I mean, to do something so extreme in order to rectify it… Or they are scared of the retribution that they have coming for them… Your’re basically taking out a Kavady insurance. Then after the Kavady is over, instead of retributions, you will receive some tinfish curry on your door. The tinfish curry is of course the hindu equivalent of the Italian fish wrapped in a newspaper. When you can smell the tinfish on your door, then you know that you are “off the hook” and you can let down your shoulders and carry on with your sinful everyday life. A well protected secret is that the hindu mafiaboss is called a guru. They most definitely do not practice what they preach, but they’ve got a very good cover. These days people attach so many different and mostly positive values to anybody with the title guru, that they can pretty much do what they want and get away with it as a guru. It’s actually a prime example of marketing and perception.

Since Thai Poosam Kavady is set in jan/feb… I’ve been on a mission to find out what the full name of the Kavady around Easter time is. So far though, I have not been successful in finding it. It seems I might have to leave this question open until I’ve paid the Kavady festival a visit and ask around. For now it will have to do with just “Easter Kavady”. Whatever information I have found on the subject is that firewalking, or walking on glowing coal, seems to be an important thing. Maybe it’s to show your devotion to the God of war or something… that you are willing to go through hell for him… I am sure this will bring you quite quickly to Para Bakhti and humiliating begging for relief once again.

I’ll call it quits for now… and now you know pretty much all that’s worth knowing about the Thaipusam Kavady! I will consider doing a masters degree on the subject or go into Lord Murugans army of devoted soldiers… as I am apparently a prime source of information/knowledge on the matter already… ref “Self Googling”!!

Sangomas and muti... more superstition!

A sangoma is a witchdoctor. The sangoma is a highly respected guy, and if he can’t help you then nothing can. At least that’s what a lot of people still believe in South Africa. Once my wife's old maid got sick it was not even an option to go to a normal doctor, only the sangoma could help! It is easy to judge all sangomas as quacks, but I’m sure they have some tricks up their sleeves that can actually help. Maybe they’ve got some herbal stuff that can ease a cold and some other lightweight things. Help them once with a sore throat, and they believe you can cure everything… then you can start milking the cow. Sangomas are rich! Very rich!!

I see a parallel between the sangomas and the gurus in India… they are incredibly wealthy. A friends parents once knew a guru in India and had close contact with him. He died, but they kept contact with his family and got invited to stay with them in India whilst they were on vacation. Coming there they were brought into the slum areas, and they were already regretting that they accepted the invitation. However when the shabby looking gate opened, a whole different world was revealed. The ground outside the house was marbled, and the house was a pure luxury resort! No need to tell, they enjoyed the stay immensely. The gurus are incredibly wealthy, like the sangomas. The only catch for both of them is that they have to stay in the poor areas… coz that’s where they got the support and can accumulate their wealth. Small sacrifice.

Sangomas can some times prescribe you some really weird stuff. The best example is the health minister of South Africa. Although not titled a sangoma, she is in the same line of profession and a “sangoma wannabe”, and in the very sangoma elite! AIDS apparently is an easy fix! You just have to put some extra beetroot and garlic into your diet, that’s it!! The good thing about this prescribed medicine is first of all that it is natural with no synthetic additives. Second you can get it in all the grocery stores around, and some people might even find it in their own back yard. Third, and the best part: the prescription was given blank through the media to every naughty guy around and in dire need for exactly that medicine… and you pay nothing for the prescription!! What the hell are people paying millions upon millions in AIDS research for?!

AIDS is a big deal here in South Africa! Where you find high numbers of HIV positives or AIDS victims, you will also find a high consentration of Sangomas. Naturally the Sangomas are getting very experienced and very good in these particular areas. When you do a lot of research within a field, then the remedy will eventually be discovered by some smart guy. It’s like: "search and you will find…"! No harder than that really. And, all roads lead to Rome… and the paths to the cure of AIDS did indeed go different ways. If you do experience some distress because of AIDS you can simply find yourself a young virgin girl and rape her. This prescription is of course mainly targeted at men. A pure virgin will cleans you and drain the AIDS from your body very efficiently, and it’s not a terribly unpleasant medical treatment. This is a broadly used and accepted prescription among top Sangomas and can thus be called the highway…

Then you got the more every day kinda medicine – muti! Muti means “magical medicine”. I've been very lucky to observe part of the early production process of muti. It started a few days before, when a young humpback whale got squeezed out from the family pack and killed by tigersharks. The carcass of the whale was washed ashore in Sodwana Bay where I was diving at the time. For a few days the carcass was lying there for scavengers and germs to do its worst under the stinking hot sun. The smell alone was an unforgettable experience. The stench alerted the lokal village and Sangoma about the newly arrived raw material. The Sangoma immediately sent out his assistants to collect the "gold". A whole village of people were cutting out chunks of fat and grease and meat. They were using bags and baskets, or in true African style balancing the chunks on the head with slimy stuff dripping all over. The villagers were of cause motivated as this would eventually become life saving muti for their family and friends.

My wife told me how the ultimate “raw materials” are collected. When she was a young school kid two kids disappeared on the way home from school. The two boys were found in the woods a couple of days later with all their vital organs removed from their bodies. This was a typical muti-kill. To serve the masses you must be ready to sacrifice a few, that is always a leader's dilemma... or a Sangoma's!

Sugar, honey honey… March 10th

Stopping by that sugar-managers house today was quite interesting. There was a lot of talk about sugar and the production process. Think I must beg for a guided tour there some time. The sugar cane goes in at the one end, and comes out as crystallized sugar in the other end 8 minutes/hours later.

The sugar cane industry in SA is a purely Indian thing! Thus they also favoured the Indian engineers to fix this and that on the mill. Once they had a Indian guy over to get water brought from 2km away into the mill. He was streetwise, and not an educated guy at all. The way he worked however impressed everybody. He also managed to bring the water into the mill using no pumps or compressors or anything like any engineer would be expected to use. The aqueduct or whatever he made works well even today, and saved the mill lots of money over the years. They were so happy with the guys work that they bought him a white horse when he wanted to get married. In India they have more than 400 mills around the country, so the sugar-mill engineers are very sharp over there and therefore highly appreciated over here! The Tongaat mill was the second mill established in South Africa, but is today the biggest producer in the country.

I also learned that there is more to sugar than just white or brown. Actually brown sugar is generally healthier, and contains more nutrition. In Tongaat Hulettes Sugar alone they produce about 300.000 tons of sugar in a good year… and about 30 different varieties. To make the white sugar they use chemicals, and in the process they wash (bleach) out much of the healthy nutrients.

Back in the days white sugar was considered much finer than the brown sugar. When people got visitors they used to hide the brown sugar and bring out the exclusive white sugar. Today, however it seem to have changed… and the brown sugar is found everywhere in the cafes and coffee shops. Brown sugar is in fashion.

The sugar cane normally requires 18months of growing to reach the full size and maximum capacity sugarwise. Today however, because of pressure in the industry, they cut the sugar after 12 months mostly so that the farmers can get their money back faster. The canes are therefore not as thick and nice as they used to be.

When the sugar production started in KwaZulu Natal in the 1860’s, the conditions were perfect for growing the canes. It is an understanding in the industry however that the ideal “belt” for growing canes has moved northwards to Mozambique and Kenya. Why? Because of global warming! The “belt” seems to have missed Zimbabwe though! Not because of global warming – but because of Bob. The land and the natural recourses was easy to steal and redistribute, but stealing the machinery to work the land was probably harder to justify.

Voyage of the genes, Feb 25th

I asked a question today that can be perceived as very stupid and naïve and yet not so stupid and naïve at the same time… but I drew some conclusions from the discussions that followed that I am very “chaffed” (satisfied) with, and that I assume (haha) can be nothing but 100% true. We were having lunch with Sammy (worked and lived many years in Switzerland) and another Indian couple. We discussed how my wife was perceived in the Norwegian workplace and in Norway in general, and automatically how the stereotypical Norwegian and Swiss person is compared to a South African (Indian South African first and foremost). They are quiet, shy and “blond”! Another view was that all the Indians in India were much quieter than the South African Indians. So my question was thus: “… is that a general thing for Indians in South Africa, are they more loud, aggressive and outspoken”?

Dangerous topic when you’re sitting among the presumably aggressive ones… but once in a while you just have to take a chance, right? Anyway, the Norwegians and the Swiss (cold parts of Europe) were already labelled shy and quiet, and the Indians in India more so than the South African Indians. So I easily derived… the Indians her in SA are descendants of the Indians that was brought by the colonial Brit’s from India to SA to grow sugarcane (indentured laborours). That’s a fact, no question about that! None of the Indians were forced to go though. And that’s a very important point. They had a choice! The Brit’s offered them to grow sugarcane in SA for five years with pay. After the five years of duty they could go back home (shipped for free), or they could get their own piece of land, where they could grow their own stuff to mix their masalas.

For a lot of people change is a scary thing. Crossing borders and oceans to get to an unknown and unexplored country definitely so! For those people SA was never considered. But a lot of people lived a very hard life in India… imagine starving and having to feed the cow first?! That’s when some people got fed up and weighed the opportunity heavier than the “alternative”. So they took the plunge, and went! Thousands of Indians went in the 1860’s (will try to find an approximate number in the history books). Out of the Indian population, these were of course the crazy ones, the brave, the adventurous, the loud and the aggressive ones from the lot. They jumped off the ship in Port Natal (Now Etekwini, changed from Durban) on the South African Coast and started breeding more of the same kind. Mixing brave with aggressive and a dash of lunacy to let the strong genes carry the new generations. The shy and quiet ones stayed behind and carried on with the inbreeding and mixing shy with scared and careful. It’s a simple explanation, really!
And then the ultimate example of course to confirm this theory… my own (but probably washed out Viking genes). Pretty much at the same time, people emigrated from Scandinavia to the promise land in America. What was most probably left of the aggressive Viking gene, all went “over there”. Now they are shouting and bellowing over there, pillaging and bossing around with other countries and making everybody scared and hate them to cause jihad and other funny things.