Monday, March 17, 2008

π×∞µ = GOD!!

Eureka! I’ve been wondering about the existence of GOD and time travels recently. Now I think I’ve found the missing link, or at least the guy that can provide me with the missing answers to my puzzle!

Michael Heller, a 72 year old Roman Catholic priest, pioneering cosmologist, and mathematical philosopher is my man! Mr Heller was a friend of late Pope John Paul II, now aspiring saint. Pope John Paul evidently used his influence on Mr Hellers mathematical abilities to provide circumstantial evidence of God’s existence! Wow!!

I like maths, and I have actually played with the idea that mathematical formulas can explain things that happen in the universe. In my job I always look for an opportunity to put anything into a spreadsheet with suitable formulas. In marketing it’s widely accepted that 1+1=3. Mr Heller has taken it a couple of steps further and made formulas that can explain everything, even calculate chance. The chance of winning the lottery is easy to calculate, as you have a certain framework to work within, like 6 numbers out of 42. I don’t know exactly in what relation Mr Heller can now calculate the chance, but figure that it’s more like chance of a meteor hitting your head as opposed to my head, pretty advanced!

To actually calculate and prove the existence of God is quite impressive, and would require a damn huge spreadsheet I’m guessing. To prove this mathematically and scientifically is for me one step closer to believing... although with my higher grade maths and economics Mr Heller could still easily bullshit me with his formula. How could I trust whatever comes out of his formula? All I know is that there is money involved, which makes me sceptical! The price money which is £820.000 is more than the Nobel Foundation splash out. Although Mr Heller says he will donate the price money, I’m sure The Catholic church has been very interested in getting the right outcome of his formula! Who can prove this guy wrong anyway?!

There is just one thing that makes me a little bit sceptical. An expression goes; “Seek and you will find (what you are looking for)”. As a marketing student I learnt how important it is to have an open mind and stay neutral both when you create your survey as well as when you interpret your data. Mr Heller, a Roman Catholic priest has no doubt got a biased mind here. If there is more than one God, I fear that Mr Heller’s formula will systematically ignore any but a Catholic God. I will therefore spend some time before departure to study the formula extensively and seek to neutralize any Catholic biased criteria.

Make no mistake; I don’t want this guy to fail, not at all! I’m not laughing. I’ve thrown all my Jante baggage aside and currently looking at the exciting opportunities that this opens up for. My spiritual time travel does not seem so farfetched any more at all. The backing of a priest/cosmologist/mathematician is probably just what I needed to make this dream come true! I should be able to get funding from all over the place. A few years ago I backed out of a kayak expedition along the coast of Greenland – because of the cost involved of course (nothing else). The whole concept did not have the necessary “wow” effect to get sponsors onboard for an un-described explorer like myself. This time however, I have a project that will make people laugh at moon walks, and building space stations will be simple as building Lego in comparison. NASA and ambitious companies within aviation, exploration, extreme sports and religions (in search of God) and you name it - simply cannot ignore and not fund this project. If your competitor was braver than you, you can pretty much close down your business when I return with my report from God! You’ll be branded an unbeliever and a heretic ...

If Mr Heller can prove the existence of God, then it must be just a matter of time before he can locate God also. Soon, with the help of Mr Heller’s formula and an oversized silicone systems computer installed in my space shuttle, I will know every supernova and bump on the path leading to God - in heaven I assume!

Just for my own preparations sake, so that I know what I’m facing and so that I won’t make an ass of myself, it would be nice if Mr Heller could specify what religious orientation God belongs to. After finding God, it should be an easy task to determine this! Well, maybe this should be held a secret until the necessary funding and arrangements are made and I’m well on my way.


A 2 Z said...

Personally I think the biggest hurdle is getting your wife's permission. Have you thought of this yet? Let us know what she thinks. You must be drinking some good south african wines these days! : )

Jonny said...

A 2 Z: You've got a very good point there... I haven't discussed the plan in detail with her yet... Maybe easier to ask for forgiveness than permission???

The wines here are excellent, indeed! Are you reading between the lines or something?

The painters back in the days drank absinth in Skagen (Denmark) for inspiration. I've got my wine and Van Ryn brandy :-)

A 2 Z said...

I like your sense of humour! We drank all our supply of SA wine. When we moved back we brought big cases of it. I thought my husband was going to open up a store or something, bloody hell!

When are you moving out and where are you going next? We might have moved back to work on the COEGA project in PE but it has been shelved last week because of the lack of electricity. That's a big blow to SA's economy. It was a multi billion rand project. I feel bad for the poor white buggers that are stuck there (corruption, crime....)

Jonny said...

Mmmm... Prime example! I've been wondering about that, how hard it must be to run a business when they just switch off the power at any given time! Small and big businesses must suffer big time. We had a tough time with our micro business... and even cook food!!

They should subtract the lost investments from the million in bonuses that are due to be paid out to the Eskom executives. The projections 10 years ago kicked in, still they did nothing = no bonus! The only problem is that it's probably not the same guys that are responsible now, so it would be unfair to punish them for something the previous generation did or didn't do!

Tried to access your blog, but couldn't access btw!

Anonymous said...

a2z: Are you saying here that only white people are the victims of corruption and crime?

If so, I would like to let you in on a a tightly kept secret... WE BLACK PEOPLE ARE TOO!!! Was that loud enough, hope you heard it!

A 2 Z said...


It looks like my blog is open but it is dead. I was operating with Dark Raven from SAS blog. We were 4 friends running it but one of them moved to England, another went back to school full time and another is a mom of 12 kids. I dont have a personal blog because I work full time and my husband travels a bit and I am trying to raise 2 teenagers.So I just surf the blogs here and there but my main interest up until now was SA because of the possibility of moving there for work on COEGA. But that went down the drain. Are you still moving? If so where? Keep up the funny stuff!

arachesostufo said...

padania libera! ciao da scorzè italia venezia

Jonny said...

Trying to sort things out... not sure yet! Our retreat will in case be Norway, my home country!

RennyBA said...

As a humanist from Norway, I do follow you here - a very readable and interesting post!

Btw: I'm here from Kenneth's who virtually introduced us. Nice to meet you and I'm looking forward to follow your thoughts and ideas as an expat in South Africa.

Jonny said...

Thank you Rennyba! Nice to read up on what's going on in Norway also! I will return! Don't know who Kenneths is, but maybe you could refer me back with a link :-)

beaverboosh said...

Dude, I met God parking cars at the Chateau Marmont in LA. He's a righteuous dude and it required no math!

Jonny said...

Dammit... everyone has met God except me. He/she is playing hide and seek with me, I swear.

... or did God reveal himself to you in the form of an open parking space? That can feel like a miracle at times, I know!

Dude, I'm concerned here now. Sure you didn't have an epileptic seizure or something in the search of parking? I know he likes to reveal himself to loony people or when they have a temporary fit, ref; You should have yourself checked for safety sake man. Take it easy man.