Muti on Medical Aid!

Lately we’ve had a lot of shit coming our way, robbery, fraud and false allegations against us, that has basically given us a hard time. Whilst some people experience bloggers droop, blogstipation or whatever you wish to call it, this has been an incredible source of inspiration for me. It’s all negative shit though, and this blog will soon drown in it if it carries on! I’m starting to sound more like a right extremist than a gullible blond Scandinavian. I don’t like myself when I read this stuff. I can’t seem to see the dense African jungle for all the tsotsis, hijackers and white/blue collar criminals. Thus there is only more shit coming... like the old quality and production principle; “Shit in – Shit out”! So I’ve thought about it for some time and decided to abandon this blog for a while... awaiting some positive vibes!!

Yes, I planned seriously to boycott my own blog and stay away in order to limit the amount of negativity. As much as it can be therapy, you can paint a pretty dark and ugly picture of yourself as well. But what do you know... before I managed to get the temporary “bloggers exile” typed and announced, the tsotsis returned and broke in again, but next door this time.

As if that’s not enough, the newspapers could report yesterday that the medical aids are ready to take on healers?! We’ve got healers in Norway. It’s an alternative group of practitioners including conartists, supernatural mumbo jumbo and a few honest “herbalists”. Only a few gullible people believe in it... In Africa however, things are different! TIA - mind you! Healer is for the most part a cover up for the actual witchdoctor or Sangoma title. 190.000 quacks will now receive funding from medical aids and can therefore expect a further increase in clients. Soon the universities will have to open up Bachelor of Witchcraft studies and probably Sangoma Phd’s to cover the demand for healers as this is now becoming even more affordable and accepted. Along the way you must of course also expect an increased demand for human organ muti and thus muti killings. Muti = Magical medicine! There is a difference between a healer and a Sangoma you say? Which Sangoma will tell you about his illegal activities and not try to be accepted by medical aids?!

I read recently that the muti victim’s bodies are opened and the organs removed whilst the victim is still alive. The more the victim screams – the stronger the muti. Virgins and uncorrupted souls also makes stronger and more powerful muti, so the victims are usually kids! A famous South African Sangoma, Khekhekhe, holds an annual Sangoma convention with dancing and rituals. He apparently drinks snake venom of the worst sorts to make the show worthwhile... and invite small tourist groups to earn some extra money from it. Now the whole industry will be fed by insurance companies with the governments blessing?! TIA!!

This smells of a certain Beetroot & garlic minister from afar! The Beetroot minister is employed and protected by Thabo Mbeki himself, a president accused of not remembering his origins and traditions. Jacob Zuma is sailing up as a likely successor. He is very much in touch with the traditional ways. Most probably, he is backed by 190.000 “healers”, their patients and potential patients!

How does this affect me you may ask?! Well, I must obviously expect an increase in overly brave tsotsis blessed by Sangomas in this already terrorised and infested neighbourhood! I’ve got kids that are obvious muti targets. They can be unbelievably loud at times and thus make super strong muti. If I stay on in South Africa, pay my tax and medical aid, I will directly or indirectly contribute and fund this whole insanity! We have return tickets to Norway in April – I wonder if we should just call it quits and move back by then?!

Sangomas and muti... more superstition!

A sangoma is a witchdoctor. The sangoma is a highly respected guy, and if he can’t help you then nothing can. At least that’s what a lot of people still believe in South Africa. Once my wife's old maid got sick it was not even an option to go to a normal doctor, only the sangoma could help! It is easy to judge all sangomas as quacks, but I’m sure they have some tricks up their sleeves that can actually help. Maybe they’ve got some herbal stuff that can ease a cold and some other lightweight things. Help them once with a sore throat, and they believe you can cure everything… then you can start milking the cow. Sangomas are rich! Very rich!!

I see a parallel between the sangomas and the gurus in India… they are incredibly wealthy. A friends parents once knew a guru in India and had close contact with him. He died, but they kept contact with his family and got invited to stay with them in India whilst they were on vacation. Coming there they were brought into the slum areas, and they were already regretting that they accepted the invitation. However when the shabby looking gate opened, a whole different world was revealed. The ground outside the house was marbled, and the house was a pure luxury resort! No need to tell, they enjoyed the stay immensely. The gurus are incredibly wealthy, like the sangomas. The only catch for both of them is that they have to stay in the poor areas… coz that’s where they got the support and can accumulate their wealth. Small sacrifice.

Sangomas can some times prescribe you some really weird stuff. The best example is the health minister of South Africa. Although not titled a sangoma, she is in the same line of profession and a “sangoma wannabe”, and in the very sangoma elite! AIDS apparently is an easy fix! You just have to put some extra beetroot and garlic into your diet, that’s it!! The good thing about this prescribed medicine is first of all that it is natural with no synthetic additives. Second you can get it in all the grocery stores around, and some people might even find it in their own back yard. Third, and the best part: the prescription was given blank through the media to every naughty guy around and in dire need for exactly that medicine… and you pay nothing for the prescription!! What the hell are people paying millions upon millions in AIDS research for?!

AIDS is a big deal here in South Africa! Where you find high numbers of HIV positives or AIDS victims, you will also find a high consentration of Sangomas. Naturally the Sangomas are getting very experienced and very good in these particular areas. When you do a lot of research within a field, then the remedy will eventually be discovered by some smart guy. It’s like: "search and you will find…"! No harder than that really. And, all roads lead to Rome… and the paths to the cure of AIDS did indeed go different ways. If you do experience some distress because of AIDS you can simply find yourself a young virgin girl and rape her. This prescription is of course mainly targeted at men. A pure virgin will cleans you and drain the AIDS from your body very efficiently, and it’s not a terribly unpleasant medical treatment. This is a broadly used and accepted prescription among top Sangomas and can thus be called the highway…

Then you got the more every day kinda medicine – muti! Muti means “magical medicine”. I've been very lucky to observe part of the early production process of muti. It started a few days before, when a young humpback whale got squeezed out from the family pack and killed by tigersharks. The carcass of the whale was washed ashore in Sodwana Bay where I was diving at the time. For a few days the carcass was lying there for scavengers and germs to do its worst under the stinking hot sun. The smell alone was an unforgettable experience. The stench alerted the lokal village and Sangoma about the newly arrived raw material. The Sangoma immediately sent out his assistants to collect the "gold". A whole village of people were cutting out chunks of fat and grease and meat. They were using bags and baskets, or in true African style balancing the chunks on the head with slimy stuff dripping all over. The villagers were of cause motivated as this would eventually become life saving muti for their family and friends.

My wife told me how the ultimate “raw materials” are collected. When she was a young school kid two kids disappeared on the way home from school. The two boys were found in the woods a couple of days later with all their vital organs removed from their bodies. This was a typical muti-kill. To serve the masses you must be ready to sacrifice a few, that is always a leader's dilemma... or a Sangoma's!