A beer with someone from history

If you could have a beer with someone from history, who would it be? Graham challenged me… so here goes!

Having a beer with any person existing before my own time would mean some kind of a time travel. I would therefore start at the beginning of time, with Adam and Eve. I would go to them, not the other way around… and there are lots of reasons for that. I would get to see The Garden of Eden, before it got corrupted… and maybe give them a word of advice that could change the world completely! A time travel in itself would also be awesome!!

First of all, I would tell them to stay away from that serpent (Satan)… and maybe even kill it! Satan would surely not give up and come back with some of his cunning… so I would definitely get rid of him once and for all! I would thereby hope that the serpent would not put ideas into Eve’s head… or anytime in the future!

Second I would tell them to stay away from that apple (God, testing his creations!) but that would still make it “forbidden fruit” and make it only more tempting… so maybe I would discretely steal it and eat it up out of their vision. Then I would dress them decent with some leafs, sit them down and have that beer… Carlsberg! We would talk about life in general… their lives. I would of course go along and give advice like a catholic priest and showing no sign of my corrupted future being that could rub off!!

I would do all of this in the hope that I could change the world that I myself live in and make it a better place for everybody. But would I really… By doing this I would kill, steal and introduce alcohol to Eden… all highly sinful stuff... so maybe I should abstain from that beer and that time travel after all?! By the time I made my way back the world would probably have gone under due to my early influence!!

As an alternative I would have some absinth with Nostrodamus. I would give him a book on the world history from his time up to my time… and let him point out his visions! But that would only mean focusing on all the shit that’s happened… so I would probably finish the bottle myself and leave him with the book!!

Rugby and Neanderthals

As the superior race on earth we have traced our background back to the more primitive humans, hominids and apes. We have found so many different species, representing different stages in evolution… and there might not even be a missing link any more?! From the species' evolved features, scientists can make up their minds about how smart these guys where amongst other things.

I read this article a while back about the Neanderthals. They where hunters and maybe not the smartest of the lot! According to findings, the Neanderthals cornered their prey and often had to go head on with the animals. You can imagine it being a warthog, a buck of some kind or something bigger fighting for it's life. Their killing technique was unrefined and often put them in great danger. They took a lot of hard knocks… and often to the head! When you take a serious hit apparently, you get a growth on your bones. That's your internal workshop's automatic service, but leaves you scarred for life (and way longer, on the bones at least)! The Neanderthals had a lot of these growths in the forehead especially…

I’m watching the rugby World Cup on TV now. For me as a Norwegian, rugby does not come around as a very intelligent game when you are first introduced to it… especially not when 15-20 overgrown men are putting their heads against each other in a scrum. I’ve got the hang of the game now, but that’s not the point… They go in with their head first in this game, and take quite a few knocks during a match…
I’m watching the features of these rugby guys… Muscular and big they are indeed! But it’s the eye brows… or rather the bone structure behind them that looks rather oversized as a general feature that draws my attention. Schalk Burger is on the screen (quite fitting name for a rugby player I must say), and the TV commentator is telling me that the players are developing growths in their foreheads from all the knocks (early match in the tournament). Probably not a very big growth, but a few extra millimeters like a bump. Those extra millimeters combined with all the constant bruises and swellings makes a quite distinct look! Big Ben from the Fantastic Four comes to my mind, but where the hell did I read about growths like this recently…??? Where did I see these features before…?! Then I realize, it’s those Neanderthal faces I posted earlier (http://stensbys.blogspot.com/2007/08/neanderthal-affair.html).

Let’s say our civilization goes under now (due to global warming or whatever)… then in another few thousand years, a new advanced civilization develops. They start excavating and finding old human remains and starting to reason what these people where like and how we lived. Be sure, they will find a rugby player… and then for all history we will be marked as backwards people who went head to head hunting for food. I’m not a famous guy, but quite happy in the belief that maybe some of my friends and/or family members think highly of me… only to have my bones displayed next to Schalk Burger’s and be labeled a Neanderthal… that sucks! I’ll choose cremation… better that way!!

Gone fishing

I went on a week’s holiday lately, on a boat in Madagascar! An all in one package for me really. Diving, sleeping, fishing, relaxing, eating… It was my wife and I and another couple, and their 14 year old daughter (Floater).

Earlier this year I got a small taste of what deep sea fishing can be like, when I went to Mocambique with a friend and eager fisherman from Norway (Oyvind). The catch was properly documented on this blog (http://stensbys.blogspot.com/2007/04/fishing-in-mocambique.html), much to rub it in for my friend that went home empty handed. This time I must say that I was looking forward to do some fishing, catch a big one and maybe rub it in even more… and document it like with all the salt and chillies to make it utterly painful for Oyvind, hahaha. Well, that was just a thought that snuck into my mind in a flash of a second… no more!

Well on board the boat, we are presented with the rules and we quickly move on to the priorities for the week. We’re a bunch of landlubbers and beg the captain for some calm waters. That means south of the Nosy Be Island sheltered by lots of smaller sand banks and islands. That also means bad fishing he says… I’m thinking to myself that during a whole week… if I keep the lines out at all times… I’ve bought some fancy lures… but I need all the luck now.

Kailash, the teenager on board has got a bellyring with lots of glittery stuff. We decide that she can be our floater… and all the tackles can easily be hooked onto her bellyring with an easy on and off clips… so Kailash is officially renamed “Floater”!
I take a look at the chart, and figure that our calm waters vary only between 20-30m deep. What big pelagic fishes can you catch in shallow waters like that?? I don’t know, but decide that I have to rely on “The Secret” as well… the power of the mind. Whilst all the others are relaxing and minding their own stuff, I will have to meditate on the fishing and visualize for myself how I battle to get that huge monster of a fish onboard the boat… then the fish will be “heaven sent” back to me as answer to my prayers. In these waters and the captain’s optimistic tone, that might be my safest bet… so the whole fishing thing fades out of my mind…

I don’t know what happened to the the prophets of doom… For two days there where nothing… but then suddenly one day the reel was screaming wildly. The captain had to wake me up on deck… fish, fish!! The line was pulling and pulling… and I just had to accept that only when this thing stops pulling can I start pulling back… but as soon as I started it was suddenly gone… F**K!! But at least something was lurking down there…

Only a minute later it happens again, and this time I landed a nice Cuta that I estimate must have been about 5kg. In an hour or two I landed two more, the biggest one now about 7kg… a little bit smaller than the one I caught in Mocambique, so still no proper salt to rub it in with for Oyvind… but I’m a happy fisherman… and me and Henk had 3-4 other ones on that we lost… so at least we had some good action there for a while!

As we are talking there at the back of the boat… my gaze is constantly swiping the horizon and in the direction of the fishing lines where our hopes lie… From out of the blue comes a fin… I jump up in the air, shouting shark, shark!! It could only be a shark or sharklike something big… and just as I’ve uttered the words the reel start running!! I’m at the rod in a second… but Ali the captain is shouting; “Let it go! Let it go!” I am too excited though and start pulling immediately. I can feel something heavy… and that it suddenly falls off sort of… It was Ali’s special tackle that went… a hairy piece of cotton is a fully good description of it!!
Apparently the cotton thing is a special thing for Marlins and Sailfish. They need to tangle up in the cotton properly before you bring it in… so I blew it big time with my eagerness… Like a premature e****lation it felt like… so bloody exciting but over before it even started!! Who could have dreamt of a Marlin before this trip…?

I’m scouting for fins in the water and Sea Gulls on the hunt now… Suddenly I see two more fins in the water, but nothing happens… Then again we see two fins… Sailfish Ali confirms. As we pass the spot I’m waiting and waiting… and there the line goes again. “Hold it, hold it” Ali is screaming! I’m ready with the cup belt and just waiting to pull and pull like crazy… “Hold it… hold it”; Ali goes again. I’m getting a bit impatient now… I’m wondering whether Ramadan and his fasting mean that he can’t take any fish either… and now he is buggering everything up for me as good as he can…?! Insh Allah (if Allah allows it)… isn’t it… and not for him to decide?!! The line has been running forever now, but then suddenly a huge Sailfish leaps out of the water like a mirror reflecting the sun, spinning around in the air and disappears into the blue again… “Bring it in!”; Ali screams now… and all my doubts in him are gone!
I pull and pull, and realize the fish went quite a distance whilst I was on a hold, waiting for Ali’s go signal. The sailfish jumps spectacularly out of the water again and again and threatens to circle around the boat. I feel very alive with that big thing wriggling, pulling and jumping out there. I am happy only to have seen this live… like on TV. Already I will have a hell of a story to tell… but I manage to land the beast though… the Sailfish only a tad more exhausted than the fisherman. Assany, my dive buddy and crewmember, takes a firm grip on the spear and gives it a couple of knocks to the head. Together we carry it to the front of the boat where it is all mine to cuddle and be photographed with. I really had to sit there for a long time to study in awe this amazingly beautiful creature… almost sad that it was going to the pots in a few hours.

Our chef on board made a lovely Sailfish carpaccio, followed by a lovely garnished piece of Sailfish fillet from the braai. Ali (the captain), Assany (dive-buddy/crew) and Gerrard (chef) shared the rest of the Sailfish in three equally big bags to feed their families. They seemed very happy with their share!! Although we did not have a weight on board we estimate that it must have been around 55-60kg. That’s rubbing salt into Oyvinds already wounded pride!! Cheers!!!
Ready for sundowners we pass a couple of Humpback Whales playing in the surface… I’m full of impressions for the day… and it’s still not deeper than 32 meters according to the instruments…

Hell (& Heaven) – a different perspective!

I received this thing on the e-mail and thought it deserved some space on my blog as it offers an interesting and different perspective on Heaven and Hell than my own article; http://stensbys.blogspot.com/2007/05/heaven-and-hell.html!

The following is “supposedly” an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

I have only one objection to this… or two:

1. Being a Norwegian I already know where Hell is. It is in Norway (of course), just north of Trondheim – just look it up on the map!! Hell is generally a cold place and freezes over for about 6 months of the year. I don’t think this is due to a seasonal drop in souls entering… which brings me to my second objection.

2. Hell is a small place. If you take into account all history since beginning of time and the constant exponential flow of souls, you would expect Hell to be a much bigger place. It does not seem to grow much either… it’s becoming one of those ghost towns, LOL! According to Boyles theories this would mean a build up of pressure and a high temperature… We could make use of a hell of a lot more souls to heat things up - up there in Hell!!

I don’t think Boyle's theories apply in Hell!!

Kinky/redhead genes!

On Friday I found this article in the local newspaper (The Star Aug 10th) here about a theory on coexistence between Homo habilis and Homo erectus. I find this very exciting in the light of the Neanderthal Affair and the red hair theory (http://stensbys.blogspot.com/2007/08/neanderthal-affair.html)! With an “able” habilis and a willing erectus, maybe this was the start of the red hair gene…? The discovery of a new female erectus annihilate this theory though – the coexistence between habilis and erectus that is. One of them (habilis or erectus), or some other monkey, could still have done the deed if it wasn’t a neanderthal… right?!

The new erectus that was discovered is the first female that is ever found. It shows a big difference in size between the sexes. This is characteristically found in other ape species also, and considered a primitive character!

“She said (Dr. Emma Mbua) this could also mean the sexual behaviour of Homo erectus was more like that of apes than that of its more monogamous human successors.”
“Sexual behaviour of an Ape”! This only strengthens my suspicion that there may have been some coupling between the modern ape and a more primitive ape to have caused the older red hair gene! It’s actually very likely given the “Sexual behaviour of an Ape”! That sounds very raw, wild and animalistic, and deviant for a modern man! If the neanderthal wasn’t the culprit that planted the red hair, then maybe a Homo erectus… or rather a “Hetero erectus”! …and a confused sapiens with a deviant kinky preference! The key is to find which other monkey did the Homo sapiens coexist with. The primitive Mystery X monkeys would obviously jump anything and cause not grey, but red hair, LOL!

Since “red hair” implies a mix between a sapiens and a neanderthal, an erectus or a habilis or whatever… then I must also derive from this that the “red hair” gene is also a “deviant kinky gene”, right?! All the kinkyness is carried on to todays redheads. So watch out for the redheads!!

The Neanderthal Affair!!

Scientists are trying to map the genes of the world’s population. They make a gene tree based on the different genes. The genes are like echoes from the past apparently when you know how to interpret them. One specific thing that have been deciphered and established as a truth among scientists is that red haired people have got a gene that dates back much longer than the rest of the people. Red hair = older genes!

I remember this monkey / early man chart that I saw recently. Homo Sapiens coexisted with the Neanderthals for quite some time. Then Homo Sapiens Sapiens (2xSapiens monkey) entered. Homo Sapiens Sapiens is the modern man as I understand and very close to you and me (or identical). The 2xSapiens monkey made the single Sapiens monkey extinct just like PS2 and the current PS3 squeezed Playstation out of the market.
Scientists have worked to place the genes systematically in a gene map/tree, but the red hair gene is still an open question! Since the 2xSapiens coexisted with the Neanderthals for a while, there is now a growing suspicion that they had a successful affair that resulted in… red hair!

Remember the early men that I wrote about earlier. There was one kind in the southern parts of Africa, south of the rivers and other insurmountable obstacles, and another breed (or clan of the same kind) that made it across the rivers and eventually out of Africa (http://stensbys.blogspot.com/2007/07/i-went-to-party-other-day.html). I have yet to see an African with anything but black hair… never natural red in any event!
I feel a bit bad about publishing that second monkey theory as it puts black people in an unfavorable light. It is not in complete compliance with all the BEE stuff these days you may say. That’s why I’m very happy to publish this theory! It must of course have been the adventurous ape further north, and the forerunners of white people, that had the Neanderthal affair. No other people than whites have red hair as far as I know. I think that should sort of make up for it and make it even between the races. I think content wise for this blog, I can safely get myself a BEE scorecard by now!

As far as I know, there are nobody with red hair in my family… or it is so washed out that it only appears accidentally for every so and so many generations?!

I am not 100% sure whether I am considered a 2xSapiens, 3xSapiens or a later edition. What if I am now a 3xSapiens and coexist with lots of 2xSapiens’? How will I know?? I could be accused for another “Neanderthal Affair” some time in the future… and I didn’t even know!! These scientists must really get their act together and find out about this latest by yesterday if you ask me! I hear people say “mixing” is good though, and that it increases the gene pool. Between clan members of the superior ape I can agree, but what if you couple a 3xSapiens with a 2xSapiens. Wouldn’t the result be a 2,5xSapiens?! And wouldn’t that slow down the evolution process?? You see my concern here right?!

Salsa

We went to this Grill house in Melville on Saturday, Sevika and me, and another couple, Dharini and Henk. We had a lovely meal with oysters, sirloin steak, wine and drinks. It's a nice couples evening! Then as we are enjoying the drinks people start rushing into the place. It was a set up, and very nicely camouflaged as well. Soon the whole place is changed into a salsa club. Very clever girls I must say. I never saw that coming.

Salsa for me is best on a burrito, tortilla or taco meal! Tex Mex! Although I have been to salsa clubs a few times before, it is doubtful that I would volunteer to a place like that or go without an argument. The girls obviously knew this. This gives you an idea about how I feel about salsa… or going to a salsa club. Not that I didn’t ever want to dance like that. If it was a short way to the dance level of the people on the dance floor… then I would jump to it very quickly. It’s just that in my life, there are so many other things where I could reach that level so much faster or at least enjoy it... Throw in a football or any kind of ball and I would be game for it any second. No ball there though…

The girls are naturally very excited about the salsa dancing. It’s interesting to see the hunks that can dance really well of course. I can understand this with only a slight level of jealousy. I’m sitting there with Henk. Unlike me, Henk actually took some salsa classes some time back, but dropped out… well that’s not completely true either. He was just touring Africa in his job so that he could never attend the classes. So when he came back from the bundus all the other guys had exceeded his level… Well, now I’m just assuming stuff here again, but something along those lines. He did some of the basic stuff… but nevertheless hasn’t got the same enthusiasm any more. That makes him a buddy. We are on the same wave length about what’s going on, and I can sense that we have a deep mutual understanding as we are sitting there.

You can watch people dance and enjoy it for only so long. After that it becomes tiring, at least through my goggles! Henk turns to me and tells me that it’s beyond that point now. I can only confirm and agree… but still sit there and watch. Poor Henk is the designated driver for the evening and drinking coke. I’ve kept myself to beers… to avoid getting too drunk too early. It’s my way of sympathizing with him… But to cope with this, I need something stronger soon. I make this clear to Henk. He has no objections… only nods in acceptance and basically telling me that: “… if I were you, I would too! I understand bru!”.

Henk is smoking though, and compensating in the same way as I do with my escalated drinking. A pack of cigarettes doesn’t last long, and I see him folding the cigarette packet. It’s one of these things that you do when you are truly bored. The way he folds the packet makes me think about the Norwegian milk carton. To grasp the Norwegian milk carton concept you must know that Norway is very good on recycling, and everybody recycles without exception! The milk carton is returned for recycling and this is an environmentally good thing. In the farming area where I come from though, people have their own recycling approach. Into one opened milk carton, you can fold and fit 7-8 other cartons with no problem. This makes a very compact carton that is used as firewood! This may sound ridiculous for a South African, but people do this in big scale, and it was actually one thing that used to drive Sevika completely bonkers when we lived in Norway. They accumulate and take space, and you want to get rid of the cartons of course. It’s just one of these things we do to gather fire material to keep the warmth up there in the cold. To motivate people they’ve made a lottery out of it, and you can actually win a million bucks if you put at least six cartons into the seventh, and add your name and address on the carton before you submit it to the recycling station. Then you are in the draw! A local guy though even made it into the Guinnes book of records as he managed to fit more cartons than anybody else. The guy was actually hammering the bottom part, as that’s the bottle neck that decides how many you can fit in… and he was doing this in his garage in order to make them really thin. You must have been damn bored to resort to something like that… just like Henk now as he is working his cigarette packet!!

Body language can tell you when the dancing and the cigarette packet are no longer entertaining… and you’re desperate to find something else to fiddle with. I see Henk twisting and turning in his chair, yawning and looking around. Very much like me I must say, and amusing to observe for me. I look at Henk’s facial expressions and general body language… and burst out laughing! Henk starts laughing too now… We are so bored we don’t know what to do with ourselves… and feel totally out of place, but laughing?! How do you explain how that can happen to sane people?? I’ve sobered up now, but unable to explain this…

I can see that Salsa dancing can be a good workout the way some of these people carry on. Much like in a gym and to my astonishment I see people carrying towels to wipe the sweat. I observe them wiping the forehead and neck… and I’m getting used to this… but still a bit amused as this is not people rehearsing for Broadway or anything. A woman finishes off drying her armpits thoroughly in a very manly manner. But that was after she tried to rape half the men on the dance floor… and doing a number of vulgar movements that are more fitting in the bedroom… at home at least!

I have never heard so much of Spanish music during one night before. I probably wouldn’t have remembered the music even, if I was having a blast of a time. Never mind my Spanish skills… I couldn’t take it any more. All my future thoughts about ever going to Spain were instantly discarded. This night completely ruined Spain for me… a whole country! It actually reminded me about a time when my mother used to listen to Modern Talking. She had her walkman on and singing whilst she was vacuuming the house. Those false falsetto tunes was the ultimate turn off for me. Because Modern Talking was German, I got sick even thinking about going there. Now I did eventually go to Germany, but that was many years later…. And now I suspect it will be many years before I see the matadors or the bulls in Pamplona.