Thursday, May 7, 2009

“Tele2, you’re speaking to Teletubby. May I help you?”

“Tele2, you’re speaking to Teletubby. May I help you?” That’s “tubby" like in hollow sound. Knock knock, who’s there…? Shake shake… nothing in there but empty space! It’s a breed of incompetent human beings (IHB), previously found only in Home Affairs. They are oxygen thieves and should according to Darwin not be fit enough to pollute the planet… Home Affairs and various call centres have however protected the specie, causing a degenerated world population and hell for normal people... Yesterday I managed to cancel my contract with Tele2. It might not seem like such an achievement… for such a trivial thing. Nevertheless, it took me 10 years.

Years back, I had this contract with the added service; “favourite country”. I was flirting on the phone nonstop and for NOK10 a month I got 30% off on my calls to South Africa. It was a good deal and saved me big bucks. When I changed provider I somehow assumed that this extra service, “favourite country”, would be cancelled along with it. South Africa taught me something new though, that assumption is the mother of all fuckups!

A few months later I received a NOK30 invoice for the "favourite country" service. I explained to the Teletubby that I did not need this service any more without a contract. Besides, I brought the chick over here and was fine with local calls. I was assured that they would take care of it and that I need not worry any more about it. Still, once every quarter I get the same bill with the same amount. 6 times I’ve contacted Tele2, and the whole vicious circle repeats itself every time.

Even with the 30% off, I believe I was a pretty appreciated client. Numerous Teletubbies have called to get me back with even better terms. But starting off as a humoristic thing, it has grown into a major frustration. I believe Tele2 is now down to break even on my account. I alone must have increased the staff turnover and the psychiatric help expenses for the Teletubbies dramatically.

The initial excuse was that it was a bit problematic due to their technical solution/platform or something along those lines. Same thing has been repeated as a standard phrase every time, and yesterday was no exception. After 10 years, they are still struggling with the same technical issues? Somebody is seriously incompetent... On my frustrations, anger and incompetence index, Tele2 is level with Home Affairs in Norway and South Africa. That’s bad!With a Jameson on the rocks and hardcore music on my eardrums I decided to blow off some steam last night. I told myself; “chill man – TIA”. TIA (This Is Africa) has been the explanation for every frustration and increased blood pressure over the last two years. But hey, that excuse does not apply here. This is civilization for f**k sake, or was that a dream I had?

This morning however I received an SMS saying that they have credited and finished the account. I’m still a bit hesitant, but I'm starting to believe I have cause to celebrate... Yay!!


Anonymous said...

Hahaha ... at least you learned the art of patience ;-)


beaverboosh said...

Assumption is the mother of all fuckups! , Brill! Won't bother you with my UDI stories... I am off to mix a stong whisky!

Chiranjib said...

hey nice blog, man... the post made me laugh...

"Assumption is the mother of all fuckups!" - that's true

Anonymous said...

earth to teletubby .... ;-)
peace !

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Hilton Hamann said...

Nice blog that I came across by accident. Why have you stopped posting?
I have written extensively for newspapers and magazines over the years about just the kind of things you experienced and having to deal with government departments. Some of it in retrospect is very funny and overseas friends find it hard to believe.
Keep writing.
Hilton Hamann