Sunday, March 29, 2009

Hot Skando Babes Ltd

Scientists have combined psychology, neurology, economy and gaming theories and developed what they have named Behavioral Economics. One of the founding fathers, Daniel Kahnemann, got the Nobel prize in economics in 2002. Since existing economic models and theories are unable to explain the finance crisis we needed something new.

A number of books on the area are already out there, but Dan Ariely’s “Predictable Irrationality – The hidden forces that shape our decisions” is one of the important ones. He has asked male students to describe themselves when sexually aroused, and whether they would put dope in the drink to get a woman to bed when they are horny, amongst other things. Afterwards though, they are asked to answer the same questions whilst masturbating over an issue of Playboy. The guys were 136% more willing to participate in immoral activities. Duh!!

The founding fathers of Hot Skando Babes Ltd (HSB), myself & Beaverboosh, has suspected this since puberty, and conducted a series of similar market analyses over years, ahead of the launch last year. Managers in the biggest banks and multinational companies like Enron, Société Générale, Lehman Brothers, Citibank, Bear Stearns, AIG and Stanford Bank just to name a few contributed. The global list of participants is of course too long to include here. Our testing universe was extensive in order to make a representative selection of the entire worlds (old school) market economy. We were able to do this in such a large scale because the market analysis in itself proved to be extremely profitable. We simply put a Hot Skando Babe on the manager’s lap and asked questions as to how far (immorally) they would go in order to “get her”. Trained Skando Babes conducted the interview themselves so that a third interviewer would not affect the answers and credibility. The conclusion was that Hot Skando Babes Ltd is fit to thrive in today’s increasingly ruthless business world. Word of mouth and private networking has helped Hot Skando Babes a lot. On our regulars list of excellent businessmen who recommends Hot Skando Babes we've got Eliot Spitzer, Jérôme Kerviel, Marc Dreier and Bernard Madoff among many others.Dan Ariely used Playboy issues picturing Hot Skando Babes and similar methods as we used and thus reached the same conclusions. Our research though, was conducted on a decision making level (not pennyless students) and a much more profitable segment. Dan Ariely is clearly a copycat, and I am very hurt that we were not even credited in his research papers and recent book. Never mind a Nobel prize in economic theory!

Hot Skando Babes Ltd had however built up sufficient funds through our market analyses to do a global launch last year, and the business has been booming. Dan Ariely has of course made good money on his book violating our research copy rights and Hot Skando Babe’s good name and reputation. Hot Skando Babes Ltd has however decided not to sue Dan Ariely. Instead the board has decided to kill him with kindness and send over a Hot Skando Babe to his office.

In a pursuit to explain our fabulous success we have so far found a correlation between HSB revenues and the decline in the global stockmarkets. This is of course intriguing and our Skando Babe analysts are still busy deciphering these remarkable findings. When it comes to customer satisfaction we have achieved immediate and short term top scores. The long term customer satisfaction is however challenging to say the least, and this will be our main focus in the coming months. One of the measures is to install hidden cameras to analyze the client interaction. We believe this will provide important new information that we can use to u-turn this negative trend. In the mean while, we wish all our clients wealth and happiness and that we can avoid the brewing war. After all, their success is our success!

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