Friday, January 30, 2009

Opportunities

Iceland is bankrupt, the biggest companies in the world are faltering. Capitalist market number one, the US is anything but rock steady and the financial crisis is threatening the free market economy that I used to be a firm believer in. For four years I opened my mind wide open and let myself brainwash with the latest in capitalist thinking and marketing in a free economy. Hell, I didn’t just volunteer either. I paid for it! Errrr... still paying for it...

Look hard and you will find this among Nostradamus’ predictions, but he was no capitalist guru. Adam Smith, John Maynard Keynes, Porter and all the gurus that I worshipped unconditionally never mentioned anything about the chance of a meltdown like this. As a student I/we believed that all the theories applied would lead to Nirvana or some kind of utopian society! The crash of the stock market in 1929 was hush hush and best forgotten. After 1929, communism was still the enemy.

The US, and western economies throughout Europe are injecting capital in a bottomless drain to save companies and economies that are unfit to survive without intervention. They are acting more socialistic than China! I used to think that the capitalism was the Darwinism (Survival of the fittest/natural selection) for money markets. The former capitalist locomotive and arch enemy of socialism is now pissing on the theories of monetary evolution. Engels and Marx must be laughing their guts out in their graves right now! The communists in China on the other hand have applied the capitalist theories better than anybody else. Red carpets are rolled out for them in all the aspiring colonies throughout Africa.

Likewise, Norway should grab the opportunities that lie before us. A socialist society like Norway should be able to follow suit and copy China’s example. We could make Iceland an offer for starter. Climate wise Iceland is not worth fighting for, with the exception of Heitipottur though, never mind the debt attached. Who knows what tourism and hidden natural resources might collect? Besides, real estate is always a good thing! Mauritius is also looking to invest in new land, scared that their sand banks will soon dip below sea level. Why not make them an offer too. We could invest some oil money, or swop with some mountainous plots high above sea level between our precious glaciers. That way we can open up a domestic flight between Oslo Gardermoen (OSL) and The Sir Seewoosagur Ramgoolam International Airport (SSR) and defrost once in a while during the cold Norwegian winter. When the financial crisis has worked for a while, who knows what other opportunities may arise? We might end up with a much more desirable homeland and climate at the end of it... If we can outrun China I might even be able to return to O. R. Tambo (Joburg, South Africa) on a domestic flight.

The American porn industry is asking for financial aid in this time of crisis and depression, arguing that people could need some excitement to cheer up. After 9/11 people instinctively fu**ed like rabbits. It was like a biological anti annihilation mechanism kicked in, Darwinism in its purest form. The financial crisis is slow torture in comparison and seems to have the opposite effect. The local business school here in Bergen, Norges HandelsH√łyskole (NHH), is also struggling to sell their sexy calendar picturing petite blondes. So maybe the American porn industry has a point. Instead of pumping billions of dollars down that drain, maybe they should rather start in the other end and inject some Viagra and free access to porn for the people to kick-start the economy?!

New evidence brought to my attention by Beaverboosh that women are hardwired to choose ($$$) wealthy men support my theory. It clearly contributes to the downward depressive spiral that we currently see. The porn industry however, in collaboration with the pharmaceutical (Viagra) industry, can help us override this by jumpstarting the hormones and encouraging more spontaneous and frivolous activity. Mark my words, this will rub off and be an exciting turning point for the world economy. Meanwhile, in-between random bonking on the street corners, I will reinvest the extra dimes in my mattress in the porn industry to make sure that I come out on top and become an irresistible catch for the hardwired opposite sex!

6 comments:

beaverboosh said...

Dude, I was worried about you at the beginning of the blog and greatly relieved at your turnaround by the end! Keep the faith brother... Hey dude, lets start a Norwegian porn megabusiness...HOT SKANDO BABES... great export demand!

Jonny said...

I'm SO damn excited!! Such great timing with my newly acquired bachelors degree in trafficking and money laundring from UNISA before returning to Norway. Busy working out the practical issues for our Bergen branch here. I assume you do the same for Oslo. But hey, I think we have to think BIG here and go global from day one. The goods we're dealing with here are sought after world wide and it would be stupid to loose out on business.

I suggest our business meetings could be held at BLAZE GOGOBAR... which will soon be sucked up into our business empire anyway.

I also suggest we work out some quality skando babe standards and go for ISO 9000 immediately. I would hate to see fake skando babes hit the streets and stealing our business!

Graham said...

For a while i thought you had dissapeared. Lost somewhere important, while doing a thesis on the relationship between socialism and and the porn industry. Geez, that would be difficult to explain at a polite dinner. Anyhow, good to "see" you back, maybe I can kickstart my postings again. One economist not on your list is Malthus, my favourite, and his theroies on population growth.

Jonny said...

Eh... I can't explain all of it... I'm a doer u see, and leave it up to the professors at Harvard and Princeton to explain how my porn business actually jumpstarted the world economy and stuffed my pockets full!

Heard the name Malthus, but never checked him out. Population growth eh... I expect to find a lot of explicit theories there to support my new career stunt!

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Jonny said...

The quality assurance part is of course an important fringe benefit!