π×∞µ = GOD!!

Eureka! I’ve been wondering about the existence of GOD and time travels recently. Now I think I’ve found the missing link, or at least the guy that can provide me with the missing answers to my puzzle!

Michael Heller, a 72 year old Roman Catholic priest, pioneering cosmologist, and mathematical philosopher is my man! Mr Heller was a friend of late Pope John Paul II, now aspiring saint. Pope John Paul evidently used his influence on Mr Hellers mathematical abilities to provide circumstantial evidence of God’s existence! Wow!!

I like maths, and I have actually played with the idea that mathematical formulas can explain things that happen in the universe. In my job I always look for an opportunity to put anything into a spreadsheet with suitable formulas. In marketing it’s widely accepted that 1+1=3. Mr Heller has taken it a couple of steps further and made formulas that can explain everything, even calculate chance. The chance of winning the lottery is easy to calculate, as you have a certain framework to work within, like 6 numbers out of 42. I don’t know exactly in what relation Mr Heller can now calculate the chance, but figure that it’s more like chance of a meteor hitting your head as opposed to my head, pretty advanced!

To actually calculate and prove the existence of God is quite impressive, and would require a damn huge spreadsheet I’m guessing. To prove this mathematically and scientifically is for me one step closer to believing... although with my higher grade maths and economics Mr Heller could still easily bullshit me with his formula. How could I trust whatever comes out of his formula? All I know is that there is money involved, which makes me sceptical! The price money which is £820.000 is more than the Nobel Foundation splash out. Although Mr Heller says he will donate the price money, I’m sure The Catholic church has been very interested in getting the right outcome of his formula! Who can prove this guy wrong anyway?!

There is just one thing that makes me a little bit sceptical. An expression goes; “Seek and you will find (what you are looking for)”. As a marketing student I learnt how important it is to have an open mind and stay neutral both when you create your survey as well as when you interpret your data. Mr Heller, a Roman Catholic priest has no doubt got a biased mind here. If there is more than one God, I fear that Mr Heller’s formula will systematically ignore any but a Catholic God. I will therefore spend some time before departure to study the formula extensively and seek to neutralize any Catholic biased criteria.

Make no mistake; I don’t want this guy to fail, not at all! I’m not laughing. I’ve thrown all my Jante baggage aside and currently looking at the exciting opportunities that this opens up for. My spiritual time travel does not seem so farfetched any more at all. The backing of a priest/cosmologist/mathematician is probably just what I needed to make this dream come true! I should be able to get funding from all over the place. A few years ago I backed out of a kayak expedition along the coast of Greenland – because of the cost involved of course (nothing else). The whole concept did not have the necessary “wow” effect to get sponsors onboard for an un-described explorer like myself. This time however, I have a project that will make people laugh at moon walks, and building space stations will be simple as building Lego in comparison. NASA and ambitious companies within aviation, exploration, extreme sports and religions (in search of God) and you name it - simply cannot ignore and not fund this project. If your competitor was braver than you, you can pretty much close down your business when I return with my report from God! You’ll be branded an unbeliever and a heretic ...

If Mr Heller can prove the existence of God, then it must be just a matter of time before he can locate God also. Soon, with the help of Mr Heller’s formula and an oversized silicone systems computer installed in my space shuttle, I will know every supernova and bump on the path leading to God - in heaven I assume!

Just for my own preparations sake, so that I know what I’m facing and so that I won’t make an ass of myself, it would be nice if Mr Heller could specify what religious orientation God belongs to. After finding God, it should be an easy task to determine this! Well, maybe this should be held a secret until the necessary funding and arrangements are made and I’m well on my way.

My spiritual time travel

If you travel with the speed of light, you would actually do a time-travel they say. Only if you travel towards the core and the very beginning of the universe (or all the universes, not sure of the correct terminology here) though. As we are constantly moving away from that starting point we are all ageing. Slow that down, and you don’t have to look for the fountain of youth any more.

Driving back and forth between home and work, I’m wondering if just one of the ways are “the right” direction? The speed is of course insignificant compared to speed of light and time travels. Nevertheless, with the right direction… wouldn’t I in fact slow down my own ageing process marginally but still? I would think so! It’s like walking from the back to the front of a plane in mid air, you will outfly all of your fellow passengers during that walk. Whilst planet earth is constantly ageing, I would be one of the least ageing people… on my way either to or from work. I should actually find out which it is… maybe I should skip work and go the opposite direction?! My daily return would in any event nullify the effect. To get a proper effect in other words, you have to leave earth. Unless of course you could give earth a push with some giant rockets. But that would be practically impossible. Just imagine getting earth out of orbit and onto the right direction and handling all the other solar systems and orbits that you would be sucked into… A space/time shuttle is the only way!!

In my space shuttle I could go at the speed of light times 50. No 50 times the speed of light would still take forever… well, it would go fast enough for the purpose eventually for this imaginary trip of mine. I would travel until I reach the preferred age. I can’t remember which era I enjoyed the most… 16-18 maybe… or 25. In any event, when I reach the desired age I could put the cruise control on at the exact speed of light so that I could stay, say 25 for as long as I wanted.

The only problem is once again direction?! Direction is crucial in this case, as I would become a very wrinkled man if I took a wrong turn. But how do you find the beginning of the universe? My compass and GPS would be very confused on an intergalactic journey like this… turn left at the end of the milky road… If we were at least at the edge of the universe, I could make a 90degree angle from the edge and follow a straight path back to the centre and the beginning of time. Just imagine the flat pancake earth where I’m trying to find the centre. Of course in this case we’re talking 3D… or a big stack of pancakes, but unfortunately the edge is nowhere to be seen. It seems we are right somewhere in the middle of the galactic porridge. I’m sure NASA could provide me with a space map and give me a general direction as a start. I’ve been backpacking before, and I quite enjoy improvising. There is no doubt in my mind that I will find my way. After all, I don’t need to go all the way to the beginning of time, as I would in any event be way too young by… back then!

It would be very interesting however to get to the bottom of things and the beginning of time. What would I find? I’m a great believer in The Big Bang theory, but still have a hard time explaining that there was “nothing” before that. How could anything start if there was initially “nothing”?! The mega rock that eventually exploded and made all the planets and stars must have come from somewhere also…? It seems that God is ignoring his creations and not showing up in court as I was hoping for earlier, so this might be the only way to confront God with his/her existence. He/she must have left fingerprints or something that can get me on track. There is no perfect crime, right! Lucky I’ve picked up a couple of tricks from the Hardy boys, Mrs. Fletcher and CSI. God – here I come!!

Hmmm… for a second I thought my own theories implied that God left us at day one after creation. No wonder nobody saw him/her after that… Rather though he could be anywhere these days watching over us like an invisible ghost. In any event, the only certain point in time where I know I can catch him/her red handed is back in the days when he created earth and the rest. Given these facts, why the hell did nobody contact God? I'm surprised and really disappointed NASA did not prioritize this and establish a shuttle/pony express!!