Monkey Glands

Monkey gland steak or steak with monkey gland sauce is a very South African thing. I was quite hesitant to try it out the first time, as the name itself did not appeal to my palate. I could think of many species, from gorillas, baboons to the small thieves in my in-laws’ neighborhood. Human like creatures, it’s like having the missing link on the menu – semi cannibalistic! Then glands. Not the most mouth watering part of any animal. Which glands? Armpits or groins, the menu will never tell you. With all these associations your once ravenous appetite vanishes as soon as you identify the dish on the menu. My wife convinced me to try it out though and that it had nothing to do with any monkey parts. So by now I’ve dug in a few times…

Reading a piece on the origin of the dish almost made me choke. The story starts with a scientist, Dr. Serge Abrahamovitch Vornoff (1866-1951). He caused sensation for his technique of grafting monkey testicle tissue into the testicles of men. Not just any glands in other words, but testicles! I felt seriously sick now, but still bewildered as to how the testicles could end up in a dish and become a hit?! Could "gland" be just a less repulsive cover up for a Viagra dish?

The first transplantation was so successful that Dr. Vornoff could not cope with the demand from the wealthy to arrest their advancing senility and retain former virility. Vornoff was hailed by 700 of the most leading surgeons at a congress in London for his "Revolutionary discovery of reversing the ageing process!" Quite an accomplishment and world news even today!

Vornoff set up his own monkey farm in Italy to get access to sufficient monkey balls. He occupied the entire first floor of an expensive hotel in Paris to serve as living quarters for himself, secretaries, chauffeurs and two mistresses. Vornoff injected himself on a regular basis in the hope of hard proof, fortune and fame. This must have caused swollen testicles, expectations and a pressure that must have been hard to handle! The mistresses must have been just as good for marketing as for blowing off some steam.

Dr. Vornoff was a regular visitor to the Savoy Hotel in London, and it was there that his medical experiments led to the naming of the dish Monkey Glands! It was a steak flamed with brandy in the restaurant. One of the waiters there (Bagatta), later brought the dish to Cape Town where it became popular. It is said that it had to be prepared in the restaurant to prove that there was no actual monkey glands in the dish… or testicles I assume!

Although relieved by the happy ending (of the story), I can’t help but associate this dish with monkey testicles now! Especially a type of blue balled monkeys that are quite common in Southern Africa.

The Neanderthal Affair!!

Scientists are trying to map the genes of the world’s population. They make a gene tree based on the different genes. The genes are like echoes from the past apparently when you know how to interpret them. One specific thing that have been deciphered and established as a truth among scientists is that red haired people have got a gene that dates back much longer than the rest of the people. Red hair = older genes!

I remember this monkey / early man chart that I saw recently. Homo Sapiens coexisted with the Neanderthals for quite some time. Then Homo Sapiens Sapiens (2xSapiens monkey) entered. Homo Sapiens Sapiens is the modern man as I understand and very close to you and me (or identical). The 2xSapiens monkey made the single Sapiens monkey extinct just like PS2 and the current PS3 squeezed Playstation out of the market.
Scientists have worked to place the genes systematically in a gene map/tree, but the red hair gene is still an open question! Since the 2xSapiens coexisted with the Neanderthals for a while, there is now a growing suspicion that they had a successful affair that resulted in… red hair!

Remember the early men that I wrote about earlier. There was one kind in the southern parts of Africa, south of the rivers and other insurmountable obstacles, and another breed (or clan of the same kind) that made it across the rivers and eventually out of Africa (http://stensbys.blogspot.com/2007/07/i-went-to-party-other-day.html). I have yet to see an African with anything but black hair… never natural red in any event!
I feel a bit bad about publishing that second monkey theory as it puts black people in an unfavorable light. It is not in complete compliance with all the BEE stuff these days you may say. That’s why I’m very happy to publish this theory! It must of course have been the adventurous ape further north, and the forerunners of white people, that had the Neanderthal affair. No other people than whites have red hair as far as I know. I think that should sort of make up for it and make it even between the races. I think content wise for this blog, I can safely get myself a BEE scorecard by now!

As far as I know, there are nobody with red hair in my family… or it is so washed out that it only appears accidentally for every so and so many generations?!

I am not 100% sure whether I am considered a 2xSapiens, 3xSapiens or a later edition. What if I am now a 3xSapiens and coexist with lots of 2xSapiens’? How will I know?? I could be accused for another “Neanderthal Affair” some time in the future… and I didn’t even know!! These scientists must really get their act together and find out about this latest by yesterday if you ask me! I hear people say “mixing” is good though, and that it increases the gene pool. Between clan members of the superior ape I can agree, but what if you couple a 3xSapiens with a 2xSapiens. Wouldn’t the result be a 2,5xSapiens?! And wouldn’t that slow down the evolution process?? You see my concern here right?!